Canseco Batters His Theory Into Unconditional Surrender

Add forgettable quotes: In Thursday’s USA Today, Jose Canseco was quoted as saying that conditions at Oakland Coliseum cost him 15 home runs a year and 40 points off his batting average.

“It’s no secret how difficult Oakland is to hit in,” he said. “You just talk to players around the league who come to Oakland. It’s too cold; it’s too windy; the ball doesn’t carry.”

That afternoon, Canseco went four for six in Oakland, including two home runs, as the Athletics beat the Milwaukee Brewers, 13-1.

So, put that argument to rest, at least for a day. Also, it should be noted that Mark McGwire hit 49 home runs for Oakland in 1987. Nobody in the last 12 years has hit more. Reggie Jackson won two home run titles at Oakland and hit a career-high 47 homers in 1969.

Said Reggie at the time: “I feel I’ll be here the rest of my life.”

Another forgettable quote.

Add Canseco: Said Milwaukee pitcher Paul Mirabella, who gave up Canseco’s first homer, a shot to the upper deck: “I wasn’t worried about the ball going out of the park. I was just wondering if it was going to land in San Francisco.

“It had a crew of four on it and a hot meal, too.”

More Canseco: If he can keep his batting average up, he’s a candidate for the triple crown. After Thursday’s outburst, he was leading the league in runs batted in (43), was tied with Detroit’s Cecil Fielder in home runs (17) and was sixth in batting (.331).

Trivia time: Who is the last player to win a triple crown in the major leagues?

Ouch: Ron Cook of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, on Lyle Alzado’s comeback with the Raiders: “He was washed up when he retired after the 1985 season. There’s no reason to think he’ll be more effective now that he’s 41.

“His comeback is nothing more than a futile attempt by Al Davis to recapture the glory of his once-proud franchise. Davis has become a comical character and the Raiders as laughable as any organization in the National Football League.”

Add Raiders: From ESPN’s Joe Theismann, predicting the Raiders will sign former Washington Redskins quarterback Doug Williams: “Believe me, he can still play. He’d be perfect for the Raiders.”

Add ESPN: Mark Asher of the Washington Post, on the network’s baseball coverage: “Analyst Norm Hitzges is trying to be the Dick Vitale of baseball, a sport that doesn’t need a Vitale.

“In fact, no other sport needs a Vitale.”

Add analysts: From CBS’ Terry Bradshaw, commenting on Eric Dickerson’s desire to become a broadcaster: “Let him go to Turner Broadcasting and start at $75,000 a year. Then he’ll appreciate the great sport of pro football and his $1-million, $2-million salary.”

Would-you-believe-it Dept.: Shortstop Alan Trammell and second baseman Lou Whitaker, the Detroit Tigers’ keystone combination for 12-plus years, came into the season with exactly the same totals in RBIs, 721.

Trivia answer: Carl Yastrzemski, Boston Red Sox, 1967.

Quotebook: Rocky Graziano, late middleweight boxing champion: “I quit school in the sixth grade because of pneumonia. Not because I had it, but because I couldn’t spell it.”