TV REVIEW : ‘Wheels of Terror’ a Real Fender-Bender on USA

“Wheels of Terror,” which premieres on USA cable tonight at 9, owes its soul to “Duel,” “The Car” and “Christine,” plus a little something to “Terminator” and “Alien” and lots to demolition derbies and bumper cars everywhere. And in the final confrontation, there’s some “Godzilla Meets the Smog Monster.”

OK, you may laugh at the plot: The driver (we never see him) of a lurking, skulking black 1974 Dodge Charger has been grabbing little girls and raping them around Copper Valley, Ariz. Then Laura (Joanna Cassidy) shows up with her daughter Stephanie to get away from urban violence. Laura hires on to drive the yellow school bus--which just happens to be stocked with a souped-up engine for lack of spare parts.

As written by Alan B. McElroy and directed by Chris Cain, the movie starts out eerily enough with Jay Gruska’s portentous musical rumblings. But there’s no character development nor much plot outside of the race to the inevitable battle to the death between the surly Charger, which now has Stephanie, and the school bus, with Momma’s flaming red hair whipping in the wind.

No buckling up for safety here. They ram and slam each other across Arizona, a lot of it in slo mo. We never find out what makes the Charger so mean. All we’re left with is incredible respect for how much beating a Dodge can take. Let’s see some Japanese import do that. Lee Iacocca can stand tall.