Adoptees Have Right to Know

I am a birth mother. I became pregnant at the age of 18 and subsequently relinquished my first-born child to a process known as adoption.

It was not my choice, but rather the decision of society as it was in 1950. I listened attentively to the social worker who advised me get on with my life, that I would have other children to replace this one, and to forget this ever happened.

I did everything but the latter. Although I never forgot, I was filled with a sense that someday there would be that feared knock at the door. I had told my husband long before we married, but not our children.

My daughter began a search for me when she was 21. It was 10 years later that I received my first phone call from her. But instead of being fearful of the contact, I was relieved, overjoyed and grateful that she was so diligent in her search.

Sure, it dredged up old feelings! But they came up to be healed and released, something I could never do alone.

I support the right for adoptees to know their heritage and to be able to meet their birth parents if they so desire. It is as healing for them to find the missing pieces as it is for us to be found.

How can an adoptee have a balanced sense of self-esteem when the birth parents and history are shrouded in secrecy, locked in sealed records?

Jim Gritter, a social worker from Traverse City, Mich., says: “Secrecy in adoption is outdated. It implies something unwholesome, something shadowy. If we really want to convey that birth mothers are good people, then let the children meet them.”

In this age of extended families, why can’t we all know each other without family members being threatened by a relationship with another?

My daughter will be 40 this year and has chosen not to inform her adoptive mother of our relationship because as she puts it, “She couldn’t handle that.” This grieves me. I would like to someday talk to her. But her fear of me suggests that we shall never meet.

CAROL CARAMAGNO

Tustin