Healing Bruises of Childhood, Overcoming Incest With Art

Marching squarely into the pain and rage of childhood sexual abuse--and turning it into art--comes “Incest: a Celebration of Recovery” (opening Wednesday at Highways in Santa Monica), a five-night show featuring visual art, writings and performance art by more than 40 incest survivors. The program is produced by two local artists--and fellow incest survivors--Carole M. Farina and Libbe S. HaLevy.

On Thursday and Friday, members of HaLevy’s Literature of Recovery workshops will read poetry, journal entries and dramatic works in “All the Rage III: Indignation and Empowerment.” On Saturday, Farina will act as host at “Our Way Through,” a performance art evening of dance, music, monologues and dramatic sketches. HaLevy closes the program next Sunday with the premiere of her one-woman show, “No Longer Afraid.”

“The first part of the show is her early writings--dealing with family, discovery of self,” said “Afraid” director Jerry Craig. “The second part has to do with her recovery: her past, her present and what’s ahead.” Craig, 34, who also staged HaLevy’s “Shattered Secrets,” on incest survivors in group therapy (now in its third year at the Powerhouse, it just premiered in Berlin), has an emotional attachment to the material as well: He was abused by his own father.

The director, who also rotates in three of the roles in “Secrets,” cites his experience with the show as “the basis of my recovery. Before I came out of the closet about myself, no men were talking about it; no one wants to admit it happens to them. But a 1985 Times poll said that 22% of adults had been molested as children.” Those ranks, he claims, are well-represented in his audiences. “A lot of them know about this experience personally. Many are getting in touch with anger they didn’t know they had.”

Farina, who’s curating the show’s visual art exhibit (she is one of its 13 contributors), was inspired to create this program after seeing “Shattered Secrets.”

“Art is part of my healing process,” she said. “As a child, it was piano. Later it was calligraphy; I found it very meditative; it opened doors to my creative self. With painting now, I feel I can express emotions I don’t have words for.” She points to a swirling sunburst-type design hanging in her apartment and admits that the image is a cheerful one. “That’s the thing about art: Underneath the shame and pain and anger and guilt, you’re left with this peace and joy.”

It’s a welcome sensation.

“With a lot of these paintings, it’s the first time I’ve experienced intense joy,” she said. “I didn’t know what it was to be happy and to be free.” A dark, twisted collage of clips from Ray Buckey’s child molestation trial is the other side of her artistic expression. “That’s the pain. By doing that, I can move it out of my body: express it, look at it, know what I was feeling--and then move on. I didn’t find the same release with talk-therapy. Therapy is very important, but it’s only the beginning of the healing.”

Farina, 32, who was molested by her maternal grandfather, first began talking about the abuse with a friend seven years ago; for 11 years before that, her mind had blocked the experience. “I thought that remembering, telling one or two people was all I needed to do,” she said ruefully. “But every time I talked about it, there were all these tears and shame. I realize now that I unconsciously moved to Los Angeles to deal with it--because this is where the abuse occurred.”

Although she never confronted her grandfather (now dead), she did tell her family about it a year and a half ago--an act, she says, that has finally freed her. “I’m not holding the secret anymore,” Farina says firmly. “And telling them has opened the pathway to using my voice.” In addition to her own artwork, Farina has begun leading what she calls “art playshops” for other adults, “creating a safe place for people to play and let their energies flow--not censoring any feelings.”

Although she allows that everyone must find their own means of dealing with their bruised childhoods, Farina believes that avoidance rarely works. “If you’re not dealing with it, you can’t be happy inside; you’re stuck in your life. You have to get to a place where you find forgiveness with yourself, forgiveness for the perpetrator. It’s important that you find that--and understand that it was a blessing in your life because it propelled you to find out who you really are.”

The visual art portion of “Incest: A Celebration of Recovery” will be on display Sept. 19 to 30 at Highways Performance Space, 1651 18th St., Santa Monica. Playing Thursday and Friday: “All the Rage III. Indignation and Empowerment.” Playing Saturday: “Our Way Through.” Playing next Sunday: “No Longer Afraid.” Tickets are $8 for Saturday, $5 all other shows. (213) 453-1755.