It’s Time to Get Rid of All Those Awards

With spectacular lack of anticipation, if not with pain, we brace ourselves this time of year for that annual American function called the Heisman Trophy voting.

Ballots have been circulated for the purpose of determining what is labeled the outstanding college football player in the United States.

The theory here has been and always will remain that it will be a better society when awards are abolished. They are handed out capriciously. They cause bitterness among the deserving who are overlooked. They create false values.

The Heisman is singled out for its overplay, but we reject other awards with equal passion.

Heisman people needn’t be offended. Our revulsion of awards is all-encompassing.

Well, running a historical tracer on the Heisman Trophy, occupying such stature in national affairs, we find it is named for the late John Heisman, who gets a law degree at Penn but chooses the existence of itinerant football coach, touching base at Oberlin, Akron, Auburn and Clemson.

His next stop is Georgia Tech where, on Oct. 7, 1916, he displays the sporting spirit winning the heart ineradicably of the Downtown Athletic Club of New York, which he later would serve as athletic director.

Heisman’s team at Georgia Tech beats Cumberland, 222-0.

No such score was known before; no such score has been known since.

So, a student of disasters, including the Hindenburg and the Johnstown Flood, we get in touch with historians at Georgia Tech who, from the archives, dredge out information showing that Heisman leads Cumberland, 63-0, in the first quarter.

In the second quarter, he scores 63 more, meaning he is edging out Cumberland at halftime, 126-0.

But it is clear that Heisman isn’t of a mind to pour it on. In the third quarter, he scores only 54 points, raising the count to 180-0.

And the final quarter is a veritable laydown. Heisman rings up but 42 points, his team ending the game with 32 touchdowns and 30 conversions.

We are informed by Georgia Tech that Heisman’s team gives Cumberland such a working over that Cumberland the following week against Wofford is able to put but 10 men on the field.

In order for the game to go on, Wofford must lend Cumberland a player.

“And what happened?” we inquire.

“Cumberland wins, 3-0,” we are told.

Which, of course, makes Cumberland the comeback team of the century and casts a shadow on the Downtown AC, which would pay homage to the architect of the worst massacre in football history.

Georgia Tech is going to a bowl game this season. Decency would dictate its players wear armbands, commemorating the diamond anniversary of the Cumberland butchery.

Georgia Tech should also pay reparations.

But no matter how heavy the hoopla, how golden the honor is painted, the Heisman award will never impress us, because no method of selection for such decorations is exact enough to be just.

In the end, one guy is happy and maybe 24 others angry and feeling cheated.

If awards were expunged from this earth, everyone would be happy. There would be fewer speeches and less contempt for the system.

Do you realize that Michael Milken, Charles Keating and Ivan Boesky have received awards? The former owner of the San Diego Padres, C. Arnholt Smith, was elected “Mr. San Diego,” just before he was charged with 64 counts of bank fraud.

Awards have cascaded upon George Steinbrenner. And Donald J. Trump? Tons of them.

This awards habit, this curse upon American life, must stop, beginning with the Heisman Trophy. On the hands of the winners is seen the blood of Cumberland College.