The Taxi Squad Takes Whole New Meaning

The Cincinnati Bengals are notorious for being one of professional sports’ most frugal franchises.

Typical of owner Paul Brown’s approach was the Bengals’ trip to Los Angeles in December. They took off the day before the game and made a refueling stop in Kansas City, Mo., as part of an eight-hour ordeal. The next day, they lost to the Raiders, 24-7.

Monday, Bengal quarterback Boomer Esiason announced his team’s travel plans for Sunday’s AFC divisional playoff game with the Raiders.

Said Esiason: “We’re leaving tomorrow on a train, or a small plane, and stopping four times for gas. We’ll probably leave Saturday and probably stop at Boise, Idaho, to get gas.”

Add Bengals: The fun was only beginning.

At the team’s Spinney Field practice site, someone wrote on the blackboard: “Amtrak leaves tonight at 8 p.m. Limit 1 carry-on bag. This includes helmet and shoulder pads. We will make about 307 stops before arriving in Los Angeles Friday morning.”

Actually, the Bengals will fly directly to Los Angeles Friday and plan to work out Saturday at the Coliseum. Hey, it’s the playoffs.

Trivia time: Name the active professional athlete on a Southern California team whose father played professionally for a Southern California team in another sport.

Arresting trivia: The widest margin of victory in UCLA basketball history is 65 points, on three occasions (all at home, all in white uniforms). The most recent was a 122-57 victory over Portland at Pauley Pavilion in 1967. Before that, the Bruins defeated New Mexico, 106-41, at Men’s Gym in 1954.

The first team to lose to UCLA by 65?

The Los Angeles Police, 83-18, on Dec. 20, 1946.

So ban them: What has been the reaction to George and Gordon Gund’s sale of the Minnesota North Stars and their subsequent purchase of the San Jose Sharks expansion franchise, which will receive 14 skaters and two goaltenders from the North Stars’ reserve list?

The word going around the Twin Cities: “In Minnesota, people don’t kill hockey, Gunds do.”

One scar is plenty: In Saturday’s NFC first-round playoff game at Philadelphia, Washington running back Earnest Byner’s non-fumble led to a non-return for a non-touchdown by Eagle defensive back Ben Smith.

Three days earlier, Byner had discussed the real fumble he made as a member of the Cleveland Browns--the one that stopped a potential go-ahead drive late in the 1987 AFC championship game at Denver.

He told Thomas George of the New York Times: “What happened that day can never be wiped out. It’ll always be there because of the magnitude of the game. It’s something I’m able to live with because I have to live with it.”

Can’t hurt: After the Pittsburgh Penguins’ 6-3 loss to Montreal Sunday, Penguin defenseman Zarley Zalapski explained his team’s problem.

Said Zalapski: “We’re trying to go out and beat a team 8-7 every night. Tonight, we should have been prepared to win a 2-1 game and maybe try to break it open later.”

Trivia answer: Angel pitcher Kirk McCaskill, whose father, Ted, played for the Los Angeles Sharks of the World Hockey Assn. in 1972-73. Ted began 1973-74 as a player, then became the team’s coach when Terry Slater was fired a month into the season.

Quotebook: CBS radio announcer Jack Buck, when Chicago’s William (Refrigerator) Perry, 330 pounds, tackled New Orleans running back Craig (Ironhead) Heyward, 260 pounds, during Sunday’s NFC wild-card game: “It looked like Sumo wrestling.”