Unable to sneak out of The Times’...

Unable to sneak out of The Times’ clubhouse for the Dodgers’ home opener Friday, we did the next best thing--phoning the Baseball Poetry Hot Line.

It’s a recent creation of John Hart, L.A.’s Bard of Baseball, whose works include “Dugout Poems,” “The Tao of Baseball” and “The Found Poetry of Lt. Col. Oliver L. North.”

Fans can hear a new Dodger poem from Hart after each game by dialing (213) 281-7447. That’s right--it isn’t one of those 900 toll-line businesses. This is art, for Abner Doubleday’s sake!

Hart’s pregame offering Friday closed with this inspiring thought:

Now with the season started ,

It reminds me of eating pomegran a tes :

Once the season open s up ,

All that ‘ s left to do is the spitting.

A trash truck backed over a water hydrant Friday, starting a waterfall on Oak Glen Drive in the Hollywood Hills. Resident Dietrich Nelson says that when a similar incident occurred there several months ago, no one took much notice, other than to alert the authorities.

But that was B.R. (before rationing).

This time, says Nelson, “there were people out there in suits and dresses and nightgowns, scooping up water and pouring it on their lawns and flower beds. I’ve never seen so many people out in the street.”

Well-intentioned, if somewhat unrealistic, rule posted at a children’s playground on Livingston Drive in Long Beach:

“No Running.”

Only in L.A. Ombudsmen Report:

Irene Nachreiner of Redondo Beach reports that two days after this column reported her sighting of a NO STOPPING AT ANY TIME sign attached to a STOP sign, the former was replaced by a less confusing NO PARKING AT ANY TIME warning.

Alas, no sooner is one set of dueling signs rubbed out than another one pops up (see photo). This North Hollywood video shop seems to be saying that some rentals are 99 cents some of the time.

List of the Day:

Hit tunes that the new city of Malibu might consider for its official song:

1--”Everybody Is a Star” (Sly and the Family Stone).

2--”Beach Party” (Frankie Avalon).

3--”All the Gold in California” (Larry Gatlin).

4--”Champagne Time” (Lawrence Welk).

5--”Limo Rock” (our idea for a slight alteration of Chubby Checker’s “Limbo Rock”).

And, for the official song of the ex-Malibuite:

6--”She Got the Gold Mine (I Got the Shaft)” (Jerry Reed).

miscelLAny:

A motorist traveling from one point in L.A. (Venice) to another (Tujunga) could, without going too much out of the way, sample seven freeways--the 90, 405, 10, 110, 5, 2, and 210--on the 30-mile jaunt.