PLATFORM : When Johnny Comes Marching Home, Let’s Get Real

There they go again. Just as Hollywood’s stage is set for the best and brightest of America’s Gulf War parties--the “Welcome Home Desert Storm” parade on Sunday--those gloom-and-doom left-wing protesters want to spoil the fun.

Fortunately, “Mayor” Johnny Grant has the last word: No protesters will march. Cheers, Johnny!

Some people are whining that the parade goes too far in its plans for showcasing military hardware. Yet who would deny technology’s starring role in the victory in the Gulf? We cheered it nightly as TV brought the high-tech war into our living rooms. The parade’s celebration of that technology can be, as Grant has suggested, something for the entire family to enjoy again. “I just got a feeling,” Grant said, “when that Patriot launcher comes by, the people will go crazy.”

Right on, Johnny. But why stop with the Patriot? Let’s give the people what they really want. The Pentagon has a whole cast of weapons none of us have ever seen. Take Bouncing Betty, for example: an ordnance system designed to detonate at groin level and spray shrapnel at vital organs. And there’s Adam, a propelled mine shell with a charge just strong enough to puncture the liver. Or Beehive, perhaps our ultimate concept in improved fragmentation: Fired from a cannon, it spins at high velocity and spits out nearly 9,000 tiny darts with razor-sharp edges.

What about our “smart” bombs, capable of penetrating concrete bunkers (or civilian bomb shelters), then blasting the occupants with a time-delay fuse. And fuel-air explosives that can snuff out entire villages. Who wouldn’t get a kick out of seeing these weapons up close.

And how about simulating the effects of these weapons, thus giving parade spectators a taste of the real thing. That wouldn’t be hard to do. Remember, we’re talking Hollywood here. Hell, we could even fly in a few dozen Iraqi vets to limp alongside the cannons and rocket launchers.

Johnny Grant is right: The taxpayers deserve to see what they’re paying for. So bring on the tanks, the P-38s, B-17s, the F-16s, the stealth fighter, the smart bombs, and Adam, Beehive and Bouncing Betty. For this “rolling history lesson” has a lot to teach us about our technology’s true aim, about the new world order and, ultimately, about ourselves.