Let’s tie dad up and put him...

Let’s tie dad up and put him in the closet. He said he loved us, but we caught him kissing and hugging our brother. And our sister. After all, we were here first.

He says some pretty mean things to mom sometimes, and grumbles and complains and yells. In the closet, he’ll have to face the dark. Then he’ll find out what real trouble is like.

On the other hand, something is making him sad, and a closet is good for safekeeping. We caught him crying the other day, when he was on the phone to his father. Are grown men supposed to cry?

If he’s in the closet, he’ll always be here when we need him, instead of disappearing every day to his stupid-head, stupid-head, stupid-head job.

He says we’ll understand when we grow up. Never wanna grow up and be like him. Why does he worry so much about money? We don’t worry about it.

Oh-oh. Dad’s got that look in his eye. He needs a friend, he says. And the Los Angeles Children’s Museum, he tells us, is offering free admission to fathers from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. today. Do we want to go?

Not so fast.

Do we still have to do chores?

Do we still have to eat those dumb, ugly-face vegetables?

Do we still have to share?

And take baths?

We do?

Sigh.

OK. But if he steps out of line again, we’re gonna lock him in the cellar and make him eat bugs.

UCLA will present an opening reception of “Images of Hope/Imagenes de Esperanza,” an exhibition of works by Latino artists to promote an awareness of the AIDS epidemic in the Latino community. It will be held at the Santa Monica Museum of Art, 2437 Main St., on Saturday. Admission is $25 for opening reception, free for the exhibit. For time and information, call (213) 825-4484.