FASHION GIRDLES : Spandex Redux : Forget that anyone ever made a big to-do about restrictive, sexist clothing. The girdle is making a comeback.

It’s not easy being a liberated woman. Just when you think you understand the rules, someone goes and changes them.

Take, for example, that whole business about doors.

First a liberated woman was supposed to show she wasn’t helpless by opening them herself.

Next thing you know, a truly liberated woman knows that she could open them herself, but lets the man do it for her anyway because she should also pamper herself.

Next it was that pick-up-the-check-on-a-date nonsense.

This, too, soon changed. Being capable of paying--but saving her money for a consciousness-raising seminar--became more important.

Now, once again, we’re supposed to disregard what we heard before.

So forget about burning your bras. Just put it out of your pretty little heads that anyone ever made a huge to-do about sexist, restrictive, oppressive clothing.

Why? Because girdles are back.

You remember girdles--those spandex corsets of the ‘50s and ‘60s that turned even the richest contralto into a squeaky soprano? The ones that gave women across America friction burns between their knees?

The same. And they are selling in a very big way.

“They’ve definitely been a real hot item,” said Sloane Rose, a sales associate for Bullock’s in Thousand Oaks. “We have 13-year-olds buying them and 70-year-olds buying them. These are customers who are tired of slips and panties and panty hose. They want a smooth line under tighter skirts.”

Of course, what would be the use of rehashing an old, bad idea if it weren’t taken one step further?

“I’ve even seen girls wearing them as skirts at nightclubs,” said Kim Green, a merchandiser for Warners, a company that manufactures lingerie. “It’s a hot new look.”

OK, I’ll admit that there probably is a difference this time around--just like there was a difference when they reintroduced bell-bottoms as “ankle flares.”

These aren’t really girdles. They have sexy names like Slimmers and Under Wonders.

The garment tags identify them as “a ‘90s idea for the ‘90s woman.”

What makes them perfect for the ‘90s woman? For one, instead of the old-fashioned cut that resembles today’s tight-fitting biking shorts, the new versions look like a bathing suit bottom from the 1940s.

Viewed from behind, however, you are still likely to look like a water balloon in an Ace bandage.

Also, the sizes tell you that times have changed. A large-size Under Wonder, for example, supposedly fits waists that are Size 29-30. Either this is in the metric system, or you’d better have Scarlett O’Hara’s midsection before you even climb into one.

Another difference is selection. For full body support, there is now a girdle “slip,” which is a shoulder-to-thigh invention that makes wearing a bra unnecessary. I like this one. You feel like you’ll sprout butterfly wings when you take it off.

Now, maybe it’s just me. But I still can’t see why I should be at all concerned about clogging my arteries with cholesterol or reducing my blood flow with smoking--and then cut my circulation off so I can look a few pounds thinner.

So are there any other liberated women out there who think otherwise?

“Well, we used to wear these big panty girdles when I was in high school, but no way I’d wear a girdle now,” said Pam Bourgeois, 46, of Westlake. “I’m too liberated.”

A few minutes later, Bourgeois lifted an Under Wonder off the rack and looked at the tag. She felt the fabric and read about how it was designed for the ‘90s woman. She listened as the salesclerk talked about its popularity. She held it up to the light.

“On the other hand,” she said after a moment, “I don’t want anything to fall, either.”

She trotted off to the dressing room.

You’ve come a long way, baby.

Yeah, right .

* THE PREMISE

Ventura County is teeming with the fashionable and not-so-fashionable. There are trend makers and trend breakers. There are those with style--personal and off the rack--and those making fashion statements better left unsaid. Twice a month, we’ll be taking a look at fashion in Ventura County--trends, styles and ideas--and asking you what you think. If you have a fashion problem, sighting or suggestion, if you know a fashion success or a fashion victim, let us know. We want to hear from you.