Too Many Fat Golfers Played in a Hair Shirt

You won’t be able to lose your shirt playing golf in Chicago if lawmakers have their way.

The Cook County Forest Preserve District is considering banning bare-chested players at its 10 public golf courses and three driving ranges in Chicago, with violators subject to a $500 fine.

“A number of people asked, ‘How come you let these people run around half naked?’ ” said Robert Gooley, the board member who proposed the measure. “They said some of the men are so fat they should not only be wearing shirts, but wearing bras, too.”

Not everyone agrees.

“It seems like they’d have better things to do than deal with pettiness like this,” said Paul Boulter, who plays shirtless at a local course.

For the final word, we turn to Miss Manners.

Judith Martin, author of the Miss Manners syndicated column, says people who go shirtless in public are sending a clear message.

“They’re saying, ‘I’m hot and I don’t care what other people think.’ That’s insulting. . . . If a man is that hot, he can have a cold drink, go into an air-conditioned place or fan himself,” she said.

Up the creek: The Texas Rangers, who plan to build a $165-million stadium, received an unusual proposal from a Ft. Worth firm whose model ballpark did away with the traditional outfield fence and replaced it with a creek.

But Ranger President Tom Schieffer vetoed the proposal, saying he was worried about sending a lifeguard to protect outfielders with multimillion-dollar contracts.

Trivia time: Who was the first midget to play in a professional baseball game?

Cutting corners: In a cost-cutting move, the Atlanta Falcons will not give free tickets to their cheerleaders.

The cheerleaders received $30 plus two tickets to each game. Now they get $60 a game and no tickets. However, the cheerleaders receive $75 for personal appearances.

Something’s fishy: An anonymous tip helped officials catch two fishermen who hid bass in an underwater cage in the Connecticut River in an attempt to win prize money at a tournament.

Steve Panaroni of North Haven, Conn., and Ed Hahn of Hamden, Conn., will be prohibited from competing in any tournaments sponsored by the national Bass Anglers Sportsman’s Society.

After officials received a tip that there was a cage full of fish hidden in the river, officials pulled up the cage and secretly marked the fish with a single-hole paper-punch before reinserting them in the cage.

Hours later, when three fish weighed in by Panaroni and Hahn had single-hole paper-punches on a fin, the fishermen were disqualified.

If not disqualified, Panaroni and Hahn would have shared nearly $1,700 at the Hartford tournament--$1,200 for the heaviest total catch and $460 for the biggest bass.

Broken dreams: After being dropped from the Vanderbilt football team for being one pound overweight and three seconds too slow in a running drill, Joel Weingart charged that the school broke a contract with him.

Weingart, a reserve linebacker, said he received a notice from the Vanderbilt financial aid department that said his athletic aid was renewed for the 1991-92 academic year but then later learned his scholarship was revoked.

“I consider it a contract between the university and myself, and I have done nothing to violate the terms of that contract,” the fifth-year senior said.

However, school officials claim that they have no obligation to Weingart since he has already received his undergraduate degree.

Trivia answer: Jerry Sullivan, an actor, singled while playing for the Buffalo Bisons in a game against the Baltimore Orioles on Sept. 18, 1905.

Quotebook: Deion Sanders, Atlanta Falcons’ defensive back, after catching two passes for 73 yards in an exhibition game against Tampa Bay last weekend: “Andre Rison (Atlanta’s Pro Bowl receiver) is my hero. I want to be just like him.”