Only in Chicago: The columnists at the...

Only in Chicago: The columnists at the rival Chicago Sun-Times and Chicago Tribune duked it out Chicago-style last week, all because the vacationing Michael Jordan couldn’t make it to the White House with the NBA Champion Bulls. Sun-Times columnist Jay Mariotti called the snub “about the most disturbing, irresponsible and irrational thing Jordan has ever done in public life.” Chicago bull, wrote Tribune columnist Mike Royko, who described the meeting as “strictly political hokum arranged by the President’s political propagandists.”

Ain’t Love Grand?: Ah, autumn in New England. Leaves turning colors. The smell of apples in the air. And bull moose on the prowl for babes. The latest one wandered into downtown Portland, Me., Friday morning. Paul Fournier, a state wildlife spokesman, said moose often look for love in strange places during mating season. “The bulls are kind of out of it. They’re just running around frantically looking for mates. Their brains are addled with passion, I guess.” A few years ago, a moose mistook the governor’s mansion for a singles bar. He, like last week’s moose, was tranquilized and returned home.

Say Cheese: Paparazzi might have their lenses aimed at Jackie Onassis, but she seems to be doing a little lens work of her own, according to USA Weekend. Literary agent Marianne Strong says Jackie has a telescope in her Fifth Avenue apartment aimed at Central Park, where, no doubt, there are sights to behold. These days when she’s not eye-spying, La O, an editor at Doubleday & Co., is trying to convince Frank Sinatra and Barbara Walters to write their life stories.

Hot Dog: Dalmatian fever may be running high, but in Kansas City firefighters at Station 19 prefer their mascot in the form of a Vietnamese potbellied porker, named Kato the Rig Pig. Lest you think he has the moves of the Green Hornet’s sidekick, guess again. Kato, who weighs 10 pounds and is about the size of a loaf of bread, heads for the hook-and-ladder truck when the alarm sounds--but he must be carried there.