Battle for Los Angeles Is Barely a Skirmish

Sunday marks the triumphal fourth renewal of the battle of the Los Angeles, Rams versus Raiders, and you know what that means.

TV blackout throughout the Southland.

It would make infinitely better reading to report that these teams hated each other, saw red at the sight of black and silver or blue and gold, but they don’t. If the Rams and Raiders don’t care much for each other, it’s only because they don’t care about each other. The Rams do their thing down in Anaheim, which in most years is to chase the 49ers, except in those years when they’re chasing the Saints, and the Raiders do their thing in the Coliseum, which is to win games, 12-6, and terrorize other humans--sometimes even the ones on the field.

The only rivalry is in reputation, the only clash is in style. How do you like your football--in leather jackets and a fist to the mouth . . . or in neon Quiksilver shorts and a white Zinfandel spritzer to the mouth?

Sunday, you have a choice.

TEAM SLOGAN

Raiders: Just Win, Baby.

Rams: Bargain Bin, Baby.

TEAM COLORS

Raiders: Often worn by roving bands of gang members on the streets of East L.A.

Rams: Often worn by roving bands of fast-food cooks on break from Del Taco.

FANS

Raiders: They cast themselves in the image of their heroes--outcasts, on the fringe, biker-tough, fond of the Hell’s Angels look.

Rams: They are also fond of the Angels, a hell unto itself.

FAN BEHAVIOR

Raiders: “If he’s rooting for the other team, we better beat him senseless.”

Rams: “If he’s rooting for the other team, we won’t let him touch our beach ball.”

SEASON TICKET HOLDERS

Raiders: One, name of Claude Jones, paid his way to home and away games by robbing 24 banks in 10 weeks.

Rams: Many own banks.

“WE’RE THE TEAM OF . . . “

Raiders: The Decades. The Packers were the team of the ‘60s, the Steelers were the team of the ‘70s and the 49ers were the team of the ‘80s, but the Raiders, the Raiders want you to know, are the only team that appeared in Super Bowls in all three decades.

Rams: 1951.

CHANGE OF ADDRESS

Raiders: The year after they moved to Los Angeles, they won the Super Bowl. Since the move, Oakland has appeared in no Super Bowls.

Rams: The year before they moved from Los Angeles, they lost the Super Bowl. Since the move, Anaheim has appeared in no Super Bowls.

PLAYER RELATIONS

Raiders: Underpaid for years, the best running back in the history of the franchise is now suing the franchise.

Rams: Underpaid for years, the best running back in the history of the franchise is now serving time in Indianapolis.

RONNIE LOTT

Raiders: “When you see a Ronnie Lott floating around, unattached, on Plan B, you jump at a Ronnie Lott.”

Rams: “Boy, he’d sure cost us a lot.”

GREG BELL

Rams: Traded him to make room for Curt Warner, who is now out of football.

Raiders: Released him to make room for Bo Jackson, who is now out of football.

OWNERS

Raiders: Commissions the writing of outlandish biographies in the team media guide. For instance: Al Davis “attended Wittenberg College and Syracuse University, earning a degree in English while playing football, basketball and baseball.” Davis never played at Syracuse.

Rams: Commissions the writing of outlandish biographies in the team media guide. For instance: Georgia Frontiere “presided over the restructuring of the Rams’ defensive coaching staff” and “is known primarily for her football acumen.”

QUARTERBACKS

Raiders: Jay Schroeder completes 15 of 23 passes against the San Diego Chargers, throws for a touchdown and has two other potential scoring passes dropped. The Coliseum crowd boos him off the field and the next day, the talk shows are calling for Vince Evans, Todd Marinovich, a trade for Steve Beuerlein or a comeback by Daryle Lamonica.

Rams: Jim Everett completes seven of 16 passes for 83 yards against the New York Giants and his coach gushes, “He played winning quarterback.” Everett completes six of 17 passes for 71 yards against New Orleans and the offensive line gets the blame. Everett goes five games without throwing a touchdown pass and his coach says the media have been too tough on him. When Everett finally throws his first scoring pass, enabling the Rams to tie a 1-5 team in the second quarter last Sunday, the celebration resembles the Mets’ after the ’69 World Series.

HEAD COACHES

Raiders: Art Shell, former Raider assistant, believes in ball-control, on-the-ground, between-the-tackles power football. Currently fending off doubters while playing without his two best power runners, Bo Jackson (hip) and Marcus Allen (knee). Also believes in trying to manipulate the media through intimidation, lack of access and lack of quotes worth printing. Succeeds.

Rams: John Robinson, former Raider assistant, believes in ball-control, on-the-ground, between-the-tackles power football. Currently fending off doubters while playing without his two best power runners, Marcus Dupree (foot) and Cleveland Gary (fumbles). Also believes in trying to manipulate the media through incredible access, approachability and quotability. Succeeds.

POINT TOTALS SO FAR IN 1991

Raiders: 17, 16, 16, 17, 12, 13 and 23 (overtime).

Rams: 14, 19, 7, 10, 23 and 30 (against San Diego).

MOST LIKELY HERO ON SUNDAY

Raiders: Jeff Jaeger.

Rams: Jay Schroeder.