STAGE REVIEW : Schlocky Goods From ‘5 & Dime’

About the only thing missing from Ed Graczyk’s “Come Back to the 5 & Dime Jimmy Dean, Jimmy Dean,” which is being revived at the Costa Mesa Civic Playhouse, is the kitchen sink.

It has virtually everything else: mental retardation, pathological lying, gay-bashing, a sex-change operation, asthma attacks, breast cancer, dipsomania, nostalgia, celebrity worship and talk, talk, talk with a rural Texas twang.

Needless to say, it also has an overwrought script that includes a cast of characters whose melodramatic revelations would put the National Enquirer to shame and sudden, inexplicable flashbacks with past selves wandering among the living like the ghosts of Bridey Murphy.

This is a soap opera to end all soap operas.

One thing “Come Back to the 5 & Dime” does not have, though, is James Dean. He is long dead, having departed this world rather unexpectedly in a head-on car crash in 1955, two decades before the play begins.

But Lyle Brooks’s detailed set--the interior of a ‘50s vintage five-and-dime in a small Texas town--does have a well-lit shrine to the dead movie star. How could it not? The play opens on the day of the 20th reunion of a fan club called The Disciples of Jimmy Dean.

Were it not for the fact that Cher made her disastrous 1982 Broadway debut in “Come Back to the 5 & Dime” under the direction of Robert Altman--who redid the play on screen after it flopped on stage--this piece of theatrical schlock probably would have been forgotten.

Instead, amateur troupes keep resurrecting it and inflicting it on their audiences for no good reason. Irvine Community Theatre revived it a few years ago, and so did the La Habra Depot Playhouse. Perhaps we should be grateful that Elvis never appeared in a play. In this production there are two actresses who make the most of their roles: Kim Burnes playing Sissy (Now), a flamboyant, hard-drinking man-hunter with a heart of gold and “big bazooms,” as she and everybody else keep reminding us; and Dani Ballew playing Stella May, a nouveau riche, country-clubbing gold digger back slumming in the old neighborhood.

Lynne Tavernetti also does creditable character work as Juanita, the manager of the five-and-dime who occupies herself swatting flies in the oppressive heat or offering someone an Orange Crush from behind the soda fountain because the tap water in the drought-stricken town has run out.

But at the heart of the play, Maria Hall-Brown lacks any pulse as Mona (Now), a woman who has claimed all these years that James Dean fathered her illegitimate son during the making of “Giant.” (When the movie was on location not far from town, she was hired as an extra.) Hall-Brown’s floundering portrayal of an admittedly bathetic character helps rob the play of whatever pathos it pretends to possess.

In another sizable role, Pilar Evans looks the part of the statuesque Joanne--a mysterious figure who arrives in a yellow Porsche not unlike the car James Dean died driving--but she seems uncomfortable on stage and tends to lapse into mannered poses.

Laurie Lee Bush brings effective energy to the girlish role of Sissy (Then). John Losee portrays Joe, the schoolboy friend of Mona (Then), who figures significantly in the unfolding revelations. Marnelle Ross plays Mona (Then), and Karyn Campa rounds out the cast with a funny turn as the pregnant Edna Louise.

The one major character who never puts in an appearance on stage is Dean himself--not the dead movie star but his namesake, Jimmy, the son of Mona (Now). For that we should also be grateful.

‘Come Back to the 5 & Dime Jimmy Dean, Jimmy Dean’

Juanita: Lynne Tavernetti

Mona (Now): Maria Hall-Brown

Mona (Then): Marnelle Ross

Sissy (Now): Kim Burnes

Stella May: Dani Ballew

Edna Louise: Karyn Campa

Sissy (Then): Laurie Lee Bush

Joanne: Pilar Evans

Joe: John Losee

A Costa Mesa Civic Playhouse presentation of the play by Ed Graczyk. Produced by Keith Lewis. Directed by Darlene Hunter-Chaffee. Scenic artist: Lyle Brooks. Set decoration and props by Judy Haskins. Lighting design by Lonnie Alcaraz. Costumes by Kay Dittmer and Sally Russell. Performances Thursday through Saturday at 8 p.m. and Sunday at 2 p.m. through Nov. 24 at the Costa Mesa Civic Playhouse, 661 Hamilton, Costa Mesa. Tickets: $8.50 to $9.50. Information: (714) 650-5269.