In-Last Laugh Is the Answer to Dickerson

Things are going so badly for the Indianapolis Colts that “you have to laugh sometimes, just to keep your sanity,” Eric Dickerson, the most famous player on the NFL’s only 0-9 team, told Newsday’s Rich Cimini. The Colts haven’t scored a touchdown--any kind of touchdown--in five games.

“People ask me, ‘Do I think I’ll be here next year?’ and I have no answer for that,” said Dickerson, whose $11-million, four-year contract runs through 1994. “I know how I can play when given an opportunity, but the opportunity hasn’t presented itself this year.

“Our offensive line is a shambles. I watch a team like the Redskins, and I put myself there. I know what I can do if I was behind a line like that. (With the Colts) you almost go out there one-handed and one-legged.”

As it turns out, Dickerson won’t be playing at all for the next four weeks. He was suspended Thursday for refusing to practice Wednesday. That should give him something to laugh about.

Moving target: Former Dodger Dusty Baker recently took up golf and was heard to remark: “Sometimes when I look down at that little white ball, I just wish it was moving.”

Trivia time: Jack Nicklaus won his last player-of-the-year award nine years after his first one. Which golfer had more years between his first and last?

Hard to please: Washington is 8-0 and ranked No. 2 nationally, but Coach Don James is not satisfied.

“We’ve not been without error,” he said. “We’ve had trouble making field goals and extra points. We’ve had some punts blocked. We’ve done some bad things. We’ve had a ton of penalties the last two weeks, so that’s a concern.

“But by and large, the guys are trying pretty hard.”

New assistant: Coach Ted Green of the Edmonton Oilers has encountered so much discontent on his team this year that he told reporters: “I got to the point where I felt maybe it’s about time I hired Ann Landers as an assistant coach to take care of some of these head problems so I can take care of the business of coaching.”

Turnabout: Bob Cousy, who has steadfastly refused to sign autographs since leaving the Boston Celtics despite card show offers as high as $10,000, appeared at a trading show Friday in Boston--and signed free.

The catch is that he will only sign cards from the Bob Cousy Card Collection, which Filene’s department store in Boston is marketing for $25.

Physics lesson: Brett Butler will explain the physics of a curveball to Doc Brown, played by Christopher Lloyd, in an episode of “Back to the Future” today on CBS at 10 a.m.

But will he explain how to hit one?

Turnabout: The New York Islanders were No. 1 on the power play and in penalty-killing four weeks into the NHL season. Since then, they are one for 16 on the power play and have given up seven goals in 19 short-handed chances by opponents.

Trivia answer: Julius Boros, 1952 and ’63.

Quotebook: Stock car driver Alan Kulwicki, on the difference between racing Sunday afternoons and Saturday nights: “It’s basically the same, just darker.”