Club du Jour: : The Board Game

So you think it would be fun to open your own nightclub? Along with the glamour and glitz, there can be some unforeseen perils. Then again, it might be worth it to say that Madonna hangs out at your place. Roll the dice and see . . . .

* Your father, who recently got busted in an S&L; scandal, squirreled away $100,000 in a Swiss bank account. You find it and decide to open your own nightclub.

* You find backers. David Lynch and Frank Gehry agree to collaborate and design the interior of the club. Advance two spaces.

* You apply for a liquor license. Throw the die; an even number means you get it, an odd number means you don’t. Remain here until you throw an even number.

* All the invitations for the opening-night bash make it to the guests on time. The press response is great. The stellar opening is the only event in town that week. Roll again.

* You pay the price for popularity; after only a week, the Fire Marshal busts you for overcrowding. Patrons have turned the bathroom into an impromptu dance floor. Lose 2 turns.

* Your bar is staffed with Cher’s former boyfriends. Media eats it up, you get loads of free publicity. Advance four spaces.

* Doorman turns away the wrong couple; she’s a top CAA agent and he’s an ACLU attorney. You’ve got a little problem on your hands. Lose a turn while you decide what to do.

* Club becomes setting for hip book written by disaffected 19-year-old with three names. Book shoots to top of bestseller list; you benefit, too. All other players must move back one space.

* Emboldened by your success you create a “V” VIP room, but some celebs become miffed and jump to your competitor’s club. Trade place with club owner in last place.

* You decide to open a restaurant inside the club. Star chef’s Southwest/ Eurasian/Cajun special turns out to be pork tartare and it’s food poisoning galore. Go back 2 spaces or lose a turn while you settle out of court.

* Politically correct eco-charity holds a star-studded fund-raiser, but newspaper accounts of the event fail to mention your club’s name. Did the reporter just forget or is your club on the decline? While you ponder this, lose a turn.

* Your one-year anniversary party features has-been celebs reading haiku about their TV shows being canceled. You swear never to open a nightclub again; but a friend with a great warehouse location causes you to change your mind. Go back to “START.”