THE WORD

It seems like everywhere you turn these days, somebody is saying something nasty about the Disney empire. From the gloomy financial reports in the Hollywood trades to recent articles in New York, Vanity Fair and GQ magazines, mouse baiting has suddenly become a way of life. Our spies in the magazine-publishing world inform us that other publications have jumped on the bashwagon. Here’s a small sampling of coverage we’d like to see:

* SPORTS ILLUSTRATED: “Inside the Disney Nine,” a hard-hitting expose about the Disney softball team reveals that studio chairman Jeffrey Katzenberg uses a cork-filled bat, and company chairman Michael Eisner routinely scuffs the ball with sandpaper. Further investigation reveals that Eisner cut a secret deal with Tommy Lasorda to sell the Dodger manager’s spaghetti sauce at Disneyland in exchange for playing tips.

* GUNS & AMMO: In “Trouble in Frontierland,” a reporter goes undercover to investigate Disneyland’s Davy Crockett Shooting Gallery and proves once and for all that every rifle sight has been bent, making it nearly impossible to win a stuffed animal.

* CAR AND DRIVER: “Under the Hood in the Magic Kingdom” proves that several top Disney executives have disconnected the smog devices from their Range Rovers. enabling them to rove back to the studio more quickly for their afternoon pitch meetings after those long lunches at the Columbia Bar & Grill.

* PARENTING: “Disney Dearest” is the true-life account of growing up with a father who is a Disney production executive. The 6-year-old who was interviewed for this story reveals that the only time she saw her father was at screenings and claims she was forced to watch “Sleeping Beauty,” “Cinderella” and “The Little Mermaid” videos and give a 30-minute report on the distinctive characteristics of each prince.