Come On! Cat Nails? Car Bibs?

California may be the land of perpetual sunshine, but does your dog really need sunglasses?

The entrepreneur who makes Dog Pro Doggie Sunglasses thinks so and even markets his invention using come-ons from two other SoCal favorites--vanity and sports: “Is your dog not getting enough attention from passers-by these days when on your daily stroll?” asks the manufacturer’s press release. “Or, is catching that Frisbee in the bright sunlight a strain on his eyes?”

Granted, the canine shades, which sell for $10, come with all the essentials: an extra-wide bridge to securely fit the dog’s snout, longer “arms” to slip over his ears and a cinch strap that goes under the chin to keep the glasses in place.

Doggie Sunglasses fit medium to large dogs and come in neon pink, green, blue and yellow.

Maybe you can find a Frisbee to match.

Each year inventors in the United States and abroad spend countless hours and big bucks to turn their ideas into products for the public. Some are effective; others maybe should not have left the drawing board.

You be the judge, but . . .

* Is the Labor Coach Kit really “the only gift for the dad-to-be”?

* Shouldn’t you see a mechanic if your car’s oil pan has a leak, rather than seal it with either of two Band-Aid-like devices?

* Do you have a cat that would stand for fake toenails? Does anyone?

These and the doggie shades join six other items on our 1991 list of products that seem somewhat of a reach.

The Labor Coach Kit is a not-so-funny attempt to make a forthcoming birth into a sporting event--something akin to the Super Bowl or the World Series.

The box contains nine “fun and functional” items--including a blue baseball cap inscribed with the Labor Coach Kit logo, a stopwatch to “time contractions with accuracy,” a card listing telephone numbers of people to contact “so the coach can make all the right calls,” score cards containing “helpful coaching tips for each stage of labor,” earplugs and a sports bottle, in case the father-to-be gets thirsty while waiting.

Nice try, but no cigar.

Two other new products, the Car-Bib and the Oil Trapper, follow similar ideas: Put a Band-Aid-type covering on your car’s oil pan to keep oil from leaking on your driveway. Both are round devices that attach with magnets to the bottom of the pan and soak up leaking oil.

To install them, just park in a clean part of the driveway overnight, locate the leak, then crawl under the car to attach the magnets.

Better to fix the leak.

And a Phoenix health-care supply company, SmartPractice, introduced Feline Soft Paws, nontoxic vinyl nail caps that safeguard your furniture while allowing “the cat the freedom to exercise its natural instincts.” Supposedly, the cat still can retract or extend its claws naturally.

These fake nails are to be applied by a veterinarian or by the cat’s owner with a vet’s instruction.

Sure. Any cat will sit there calmly while you put adhesive and nails over its own.

Other ideas whose time may never come include:

* For $25.50, a 7-by-9-inch Great Lovers Plaque with not-so-good graphics of Rudolph Valentino and Clark Gable at the top. You can add the name of a male friend or relative “alongside the immortals of Great Lovers.” The list includes Valentino and Gable, Richard Gere, Kevin Costner, Tom Cruise, Tom Selleck, Warren Beatty, Cary Grant and Burt Reynolds. But no Steve Garvey.

* NiteMates, “the ultimate walking night-light,” offers a combination bedroom slipper and flashlight. The terry-cloth flip-flops with non-slip soles contain bright “krypton” bulbs in the toes, behind a plastic cover. It wasn’t such a bad idea, if the cover had stayed on well once it was removed to put in batteries. And if the on-off switch, in the heel of the slipper, had not been so difficult to use.

* Pambra’s Original Bra Liner, a cotton insert designed to absorb perspiration under the breasts, was not as “thin and inconspicuous” as advertised when inserted in the bottom of a brassiere. Besides, if you really do have a perspiration problem, the liner will be another piece of soggy material with which to deal.

* From Kahnfidence Associated Productions Co. comes Escape Exercise, a series of videotapes to be used with stationary exercise equipment--a bike, rowing and skiing machines or a treadmill. The five tapes were designed “to do away with the boredom commonly associated with the use of exercise machines.” Admittedly, pedaling a stationary bike can be monotonous, but do you want to add to the frustration by watching scenes of biking through the lush greenery of Kauai or skiing the snowy mountains of Banff? Reminds one of the late actor Edward G. Robinson’s suicide scene in “Soylent Green.”

* Although it resembles a flying saucer, Protect-Ear Dog Dish is designed to keep a long-eared canine’s ears out of its food dish or water bowl. The ears are supposed to flop over the elongated sides of the bowl when the dog eats or drinks. The opening, however, seemed to be too narrow for the dog to lick the last bite of food from the bowl.

* This year’s “what’s in a name” award should go to Kricket Krap, manure from those little creatures that are supposed to “sing” in your garden. A Georgia company that raises crickets for fish bait also sells the fertilizer. Kricket Krap is being marketed on the West Coast by Jim Walters of Arcadia, who says, “It’s as potent as natural organic fertilizers come.” And it is “harvested” from about two billion crickets.

Obviously by using very small shovels.