Hammer and Ice Still Rivals--for the Bottom 10

He’s got his own cartoon show. He’s Pepsi’s hottest pitchman. The Atlanta Falcons won’t take the field without his blessings.

And now Hammer has one more trophy for his wall. Even if his “Too Legit to Quit” album hasn’t gone No. 1 on the Billboard charts, it did go No. 1 where it really counts--in Pop Eye’s 1991 Bottom 10 poll. Taking his place next to such past champs as Vanilla Ice, Bruce Willis, Jimmy Page and Heart, Hammer narrowly held off a late-breaking surge from a pair of former Bottom 10 finishers--1990 champ the Vanilla One and 1989 contender Richard Marx.

Now in its 12th year, the Bottom 10 offers a look at the biggest critical flops of the past pop year. Pop Eye polls about 30 writers, record execs, managers, musicians, deejays and rank-and-file music fans, who provide their picks for this coveted Dean’s List of Decrepit Discs.

Hammer became the second consecutive rap artist to win the poll after years of domination by spacey songstresses (Stevie Nicks), egomaniacal actors (Bruce Willis) and celebrity offspring (Julian Lennon). Voters said the rap star had spread himself too thin. “First I hear him in the ‘Addams Family’ movie, then on soft-drink ads, then on Sunday morning football games,” complained one voter. “What’s he gonna do next--a duet with Willie Nelson?”

With rock firmly in the video age, it was somehow fitting that several acts, most notably Michael Bolton, Marx and Firehouse, seem to have made the Bottom 10 largely based on their MTV hairdos. As one voter noted: “Firehouse is a band that has definitely watched too many Whitesnake videos. They give hair extensions a bad name.” Some voters also zeroed in on lame album titles, especially Martika’s “Martika’s Kitchen,” which prompted the rejoinder: “What’s next? ‘Martika’s Bathroom’?”

While several artists made the Bottom 10 for the first time, Marx, Ice and Roth were all repeat offenders, while Cher made an unprecedented third appearance (she finished fourth in 1987 and seventh in 1989). As one voter pronounced: “She’s been singing at the same pitch of hysteria for 10 years. Enough is enough. If she’s gonna get that worked up, why doesn’t she go to Yankee Stadium and try to get through the national anthem some day?”

As is customary, voters suggested other possible awards. Worst Trend of the Year: White Rap Wanna-bes (Marky Mark & the Funky Bunch, Icy Blu and Jesse Jaymes). Worst Comeback Albums: the Knack and Lynyrd Skynyrd 1991. Worst Journey Knock-Off: the Storm. Worst Soul Remake: Michael Bolton’s “When a Man Loves a Woman.” And one voter suggested a Bottom 10 consisting entirely of Atlantic Records’ 1991 rock releases, which includes albums by White Lion, the Law, Mr. Big, Enuff Z’Nuff, Kix, Foreigner, Rush and Skid Row.

Narrowly missing the cut, but getting enough votes for honorable mention were albums by the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Donna Summer, Chicago, Susanna Hoffs, Richie Sambora and N.W.A.

1 “Too Legit to Quit,” Hammer.

2 “Extremely Live,” Vanilla Ice.

3 “Rush Street,” Richard Marx.

4 “Time Love & Tenderness,” Michael Bolton.

5 “Firehouse,” Firehouse.

6 “Slave to the Grind,” Skid Row.

7 “Love Hurts,” Cher.

8 “Mo’ Ritmo,” Gerardo.

9 “Martika’s Kitchen,” Martika.

10 “A Little Ain’t Enough,” David Lee Roth.

HURRAY FOR WHO?: 1991 was a dismal year for beleaguered Hollywood Records, which has been eagerly looking for a success story to put itself on the map. The good news: Hollywood may have a hit with its talented new rap artist, Hi-C. The bad news? The label still can’t take any bows. Worried that some people--in particular the people who run Disney Inc.--might find Hi-C’s lyrics offensive, Hollywood has taken its logo off his “Skanless” album. In fact, Hi-C’s album jacket and inner sleeve bear no trace of any links with Hollywood or Disney, who have distanced themselves from such potentially objectionable fare as “Punk (Expletive),” “2 Drunk Ta (Expletive)” and “Froggy Style.”

Hi-C’s lyrics aren’t nearly as foul-mouthed or degrading to women as similar lyrics on Ice Cube’s or N.W.A’s albums. But if Hollywood is willing to make money from a controversial album, then shouldn’t it be willing to take the heat too? How could Hollywood ever defend Hi-C from an anti-obscenity crusader if it’s too embarrassed to put its name on the album?

“I really don’t see any contradiction,” says Hollywood President Peter Paterno. “We’re not divorcing ourselves from Hi-C’s career. We just couldn’t put our names on this particular album. We’d be willing to put our name on some record in the future. But not this one.” Paterno said that no one at Disney forced him to remove the label’s logo. Asked what made the lyrics bothersome, he explained (using rap jargon): “The lyrics are not on the violent tip. They’re on the sexually prurient tip. Some people might find them risque--or offensive.”

In fact, Hollywood’s own distributor, Elektra Records, found Hi-C’s lyrics so objectionable that it has refused to distribute the album, which is now being handled by sister label Warner Bros. Records. “(Elektra chief) Bob Krasnow never asked us not to put it out,” said Paterno. “He just made the decision that he didn’t want Elektra involved.”

Krasnow was on vacation. But in the past, the Elektra chief has been critical of Atlantic Records for distributing the 2 Live Crew and even blocked Motley Crue, an Elektra rock band, from appearing on a 2 Live Crew album. As for Paterno, he prefers to focus on Hi-C’s commercial virtues. “We think this record can be a hit,” he said. “We just decided the lyric content wasn’t appropriate for us.”

ACHTUNG, DUDE: Record store owners always complain that it’s too unwieldy to carry CDs without a long box (or that consumers won’t really buy them). But here’s evidence to the contrary. When PolyGram released its new U2 album, “Achtung Baby,” it gave consumers a choice of buying the album in a compromise DigiTrak long box or in a plastic jewel box. Label insiders say that, so far, plastic jewel box sales have made up at least 50% of all purchases, despite widespread retail resistance to the non-long box format. This comes as a particular slap in the face to Tower Records, which prides itself on being consumer-friendly but refused to stock U2’s jewel-box format at all. Tower chief Russ Solomon said if fans really want a U2 jewel box “they can go somewhere else.” Maybe they are. . . . Big Daddy, the quirky vocal group that rearranges pop hits to sound as if they’d been recorded in the doo-wop era, is taking aim on a heavyweight target this year. The novelty band is doing a song-by-song remake of “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” (yes--the group will do a cover spoof as well). . . . And coming in February, from Scotti Bros. Records, is a new rap album from May May. If you haven’t heard of the new female rapper from Philly, surely you remember her dad--he’s Muhammad Ali.

GROSS US OUT, OK?: Who says record companies won’t go to any length to hype their new acts? The current culprit? DGC Records, which is touting its new band, the Nymphs, with a press release explaining why Nymphs singer Inger Lorre is pictured in her new video with a mouthful of “two dozen moshing maggots.” With customary music-biz excess, the production ordered 200 maggots (via Federal Express!) from a New York biomedical laboratory--and assigned a production assistant to be the video’s “maggot wrangler.” It took five takes to get the shot right. But Lorre had no complaints: “I’ve had worse things in my mouth.” Sure Inger, like what? . . . Seattle-based rockers Alice in Chains have been in the studio at work on “SAP,” a four-song EP that will feature guest appearances by such Northwest neighbors as Heart’s Ann Wilson, Soundgarden’s Chris Cornell and Mudhoney’s Mark Arm. . . . And Lou Reed has a 45-track box set due out in March from RCA Records, which will feature such unreleased gems as a 13-minute version of “Heroin” (recorded live at the Roxy with Don Cherry on trumpet).

AND FINALLY: No one’s banking on a sequel to “The Commitments.” But MCA Records did so well with the film’s soundtrack that its releasing a sequel in March, which will feature music from the movie which didn’t make the first disc. . . . The upcoming Cowboy Junkies album, “Black-Eyed Man,” will feature a duet between Margo Timmons and John Prine on “If You Were the Woman and I Was the Man.” . . . Weird Album Title of the Week: The Church’s upcoming CD is called “Priest=Aura.” . . . For Elvis Fans only: Don’t miss Art Fein’s fifth annual Elvis Presley Birthday Party concert, which unfolds Wednesday at Club Lingerie. The benefit, whose proceeds go to area homeless organizations, will feature local musicians each performing a pair of Elvis tunes. Participants include Dwight Twilley, Peter Holsapple, Delaney Bramlett, Ronnie Mack and the Blazers.