Putting Some New Spin on Some Old Sayings

Is there anything more uplifting/enlightening than the epiphanic compression of the Great Sayings?

Such as:

“Who rises from prayer a better woman, her prayer is answered.”

“She who laughs last, laughs best.”

“Women don’t make passes/At men who are asses.”

“As flies to wanton girls, are we to the goddesses.”

You say you don’t remember them quite like that?

Then, dear child, you haven’t read “Ms. Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations” by Jane Bartlett, the nom de plume of Hillcrest bookstore owner Joe Tabler.

He spent a good deal of time prowling (the real) Bartlett’s, searching for sagacity. Then sex-changing and otherwise rearranging it.

It started as a lark, an intellectual bagatelle, a wiseacre look at delivered wisdom. It has just resulted in a slim, self-published paperback (112 pages, $6.95).

Some of the sayings are double-updated: “Beware the woman of one TV series. “

“I took that from “Beware the man of one book, ‘ “ Tabler said. “I blistered it.”

Some suffer gender bends in translation: “You’re a better woman than I am, Gunga Din. “

Some are homely: “Nature abhors a carpet sweeper.” Others noble: “Woman doth not live by man alone.”

Others are strictly personal, not to be found in any other volume: “Is a potato chip a sin ?”

Tabler, 42, says he picked that up years ago from a guy in his 10th-grade English class at Clairemont High.

Tabler hopes “Ms. Bartlett” is just the beginning. He’s been a writer of spy paperbacks (“Sold mostly at Long’s and FedMart. I helped close FedMart.”), a lifeguard and the creator of “liberal-minded” cartoons for New Woman magazine.

Now he’s dreaming of publishing a Classical Library of the Obscure and the Remote. He’s even got his first book picked out, the 1884 classic by Ben C. Truman, “Dueling in America.”

After that, if things go well, books on lace making, falconry, Tibetan travel and old railroads.

“I want to do things,” he said, “that are a little narrower than most people.”

Almost a Strikeout

Hail to the items, chiefly.

* Politics is often the art of making a quick recovery.

As he was leaving the Logan Heights Family Health Center after his brief visit Friday, President Bush stopped to talk to a group of children.

Finally he made his apologies, told the kids he “had to get back to work” and jumped in the presidential limousine. He used the limo’s public address system to say more goodbys and added:

“I have one last thing to say: Go Dodgers!”

Gov. Pete Wilson, seated beside Bush, quickly whispered a correction. Bush then got back on the p.a.:

“Make that, Go Padres!”

There were cheers all around.

* By the time he talked to the Rotary Club, Bush had his teams straightened out: “Folks who want national health care are the same people who said that Tony Gwynn would never amount to much of a hitter.”

* Mayor Maureen O’Connor and City Manager Jack McGrory were rebuffed in their attempt to talk (briefly) to Bush about big-city issues.

In the days before the visit, the White House advance team reportedly said such a meeting was a possibility.

Then came the sewage spill and the chance that national press coverage might mention Bush and something negative like foul water.

O’Connor and McGrory got the word: The President was “too busy” to meet with them.

Looking for a Rental

A local television cameraman was wowed as the presidential limousine (one of several that the Secret Service keeps around the country) rolled up to North Island before President Bush’s arrival Thursday night.

It is something: Raised roof, lead-lined, inch-thick bullet-proof glass, communication gear, an engine that barely purrs, a million bucks or more on the hoof.

“That’s impressive,” said the cameraman. “Wonder where I could rent one like that.”

“Just call Paul the Greek’s Limo (in La Mesa); I’m sure they’ve got a bunch,” deadpanned a Bush aide with San Diego ties.

“Gee thanks,” said the cameraman.