When Tough Times Hit Homes--Hard : Recession: Emotional overload caused by economic stress can lead to violence, abuse and family disintegration, experts say.

The recession has taken its toll on Orange County families at all income levels, with many being pushed over the edge by economic stress, authorities say. Layoffs and money problems are perceived as contributing heavily to family disintegration and increased reports of domestic violence, child neglect and abuse, they say.

“We do know stress as a result of unemployment and financial problems leads to a climate in the home that can cause abuse,” said Sylvia Wall, deputy director of the county’s children’s services division.

Other factors that are contributing to emotional overload include the region’s increased population and the skyrocketing economic expectations spawned for many Orange County families during the booming 1980s, experts said.

In some cases, therapists said they had seen families become closer during hard economic times. But more often, “unemployment of the primary breadwinner can produce all kinds of problems in the home,” Wall said.

Working women may leave their children with unemployed and ill-suited boyfriends. Unhappy couples unable to afford divorce must endure the tension of living together. The prospect of further welfare cuts for mothers already at risk of abusing their children only adds to their daily stress.

Among affluent families, children become fearful when their parents lose jobs; some have temper tantrums because they are being forced to cut back on their purchases.

“We have seen a lot of depression caused from the fact that people are out of work, that they cannot provide for their children when they were able to provide before,” said Lois Wood, executive director of the Exchange Club Child Abuse Prevention Center in Orange.

One 29-year-old said she was working two full-time and two part-time jobs when she became pregnant with her third child.

“I couldn’t afford child care for an infant,” said the woman. “I thought, my God, I’d have to work six jobs.”

Now they live on a welfare grant of $706 that was recently cut by $86 and is expected to be slashed another 25%. She stays one step ahead of the utilities, but cannot spare even $3 for the school book fair. “I do lose it a lot,” she said. “Most of the time I’m yelling at a wall, or crying. I’m terrified. I don’t see it getting any better.

“I snap a lot and feel guilty, I bark at my kids, and then I apologize and try to catch myself the next time.”

“I’m 29,” she said, “and I feel like I’m 109.”

The Orange County Child Abuse Registry received reports of problems involving 16,573 families in 1991, up 9% from 1990. Total reports for children were 34,259, reflecting a 20% increase.

“With the recession, it’s going to affect larger families more than smaller families,” said Ray Gallagher, supervisor of the Child Abuse Registry. “Larger families are more expensive to provide for. It creates greater stresses that could set the scene for an abusive situation to take place.”

(Since 1989, reports of child abuse have included all the children of the suspected parents.)

Wood said that children of some single mothers are also particularly vulnerable.

“A lot of mothers’ boyfriends are out of work, taking care of the children,” she said. It is a situation she called “notoriously bad.”

“These men oftentimes do not have children of their own or are in another relationship, are angry, kind of hostile and tend to take it out on the girlfriend’s children. It’s always easier to lash out at someone who is not your own child.”

There is a greater risk of sexual as well as physical abuse in those situations, Wood said.

Marital disputes also increase with hard times, and divorce attorneys such as Lisa Hughes say they are seeing an increase in drug- or alcohol-related domestic violence among their clients.

But because of the sluggish job and housing markets, fewer people are able to afford a divorce, Hughes said. Therefore, many are forced to continue sharing the same house in separate bedrooms in what may be a tense, or even violent, atmosphere for an indefinite time.

“Now people are filing bankruptcies, coming in mortgaged up to the hilt,” Hughes said. “It causes more problems.”

Some believe the stress-related problems of recession may be equally difficult for the affluent or the dual earners who have become accustomed to high standards.

“Say there’s a couple with two kids, 7 and 9, just bought a house and have payments of $2,000 a month and he loses his job. That’s Orange County stress,” said Mary Collier, a therapist with Family Services Assn. “I bet mom is working at least half time. Even in the best of families, that’s going to knock them.”

Children are often frightened if their parents are talking a lot about losing a job. “They basically think, ‘What’s going to happen to me? I won’t get a new bike or a new car,’ ” Collier said.

“I have heard people sound almost irrational or selfish,” she said. “They say, ‘Yeah, my father lost his job and I was deprived of (going to college at) Stanford.’ They are real bitter about it.”

On the other hand, some families are able to take a “Waltons”-like approach and band together to ease the pangs of the recession.

At the beginning of the nationwide economic downturn, Collier said, she saw a family regroup after the father lost his job. At first a teen-age child threw temper tantrums about having to cut back her clothing allowance. But after a while, she got a part-time job, started trading clothes with friends and did more baby-sitting.

One way to avoid the stress of the recession is to be prepared, Collier said.

“Take a look at how you’re spending money,” she said. “If I lose this job, what’s open to me? They could update the resume, just in case, and let family members know this could be a possibility.

“They might think about not taking that trip to Hawaii. Let them know, ‘Maybe we’ll just go camping.’ ”

“Communicate with them as much as you possibly can,” she said. “Ask if they can think of ways they can help during these tough times. Even in small ways. They could try not to lose the brand-new jacket that cost Mom and Dad 150 bucks. Make their shoes last a little longer.”

In the best light, families can become resilient to a recession, Collier said. “Not just the unemployed party. Everybody can get real creative.”