Party Troupers

Recently, Buzz took a tour through the classified ads in L.A. Parent magazine to get a look at the entertainments being offered for children’s parties. It leads us to believe that birthdays for the under-10 set can be as traumatic as for those nearing 40.

Among the offerings:

* The Lizard Wizard (“A one-hour journey into the fascinating world of reptiles. Birthday entertainment your child will never forget.”)

* Bubbles Burbujas (“A kinder, gentler clown.”)

* Kidsercize (“Aerobics fun for your kids’ party.”)

* Lady Ellen, the Party Princess (“Invite royalty to your next party.”)

* Ponies With a Moon Bounce (“Clean. Gentle. Insured.”)

* Ava the Bellydancer (“Kids participate w/veil, drum, zils.”)

Scary Pairings

At a recent bash your Buzz staff got all caught up in a new party game--making up incongruous duos of sweethearts to star in the long-running play “Love Letters.” The fictional pairings included:

* Angelyne and Robert De Niro

* Luke Perry and Leona Helmsley

* Sinead O’Connor and Telly Savalas

* Danny Bonaduce and Dana Plato

* Tammy Bakker and Mike Ditka

* Ice Cube and Eydie Gorme

* Nell Carter and Richard Simmons

* Edward Woodward and Christina Applegate

* Jane Fonda and Rush Limbaugh

Essentials

WHAT YOU NEED TO MANEUVER THE L.A. SCENE: Now that condoms are socially acceptable and sexually correct, there’s no need to smash them in your wallet or hide them in the bottom of your purse. Now you can carry them with the dignity they deserve--in “The Love Pouch,” a carrying case from Caseworks, a Bellevue, Wash.-based company. The Pouch is made from “colorful, durable nylon,” according to the press release. “Foam insulation provides a controlled temperature range to help ensure the safe sex supplies stay in trustworthy condition.” It also has a “Velcro closure system that allows The Love Pouch to safely hold a dozen condoms and accessories.” Now, we’re all for safe sex, but what exactly would the “accessories” be?