Repentant Intruder Explains Why He Called 911 on Himself

The way Robert Laughton explains it, it almost makes sense.

At least after enough vodka.

Laughton, 23, is the hapless Reseda man who got stuck in a Reseda liquor store he said he intended to burglarize, then called 911 and asked Los Angeles police to come and get him. Which they were happy to do.

In a jailhouse interview Monday, a repentant Laughton--whom police described as “not the smartest burglar in the world”--said the urge to break into Rick’s Liquor was born of booze and boredom after he was unable to buy a beer at a nearby 7-Eleven because it was after 2 a.m. Sunday.

“I just got stupid,” said Laughton, an unemployed contractor who used his construction knowledge to pry open a rooftop air-conditioning vent and drop into the shop.

“I would not have done this if I had been sober, in my right mind.”

The way Laughton tells it, he and some friends had been drinking vodka purchased earlier in the day at the same store. Unable to buy more, “I was thinking how easy it would be to climb up on the roof,” he said.

So he climbed onto a dumpster, hopped onto the roof and pried away the vent with a pocket knife. “It was easy,” he said.

Sliding his 5-foot, 11-inch, 195-pound frame through the hole, he swung down into the store, knocking two packages of Cup O’ Noodles to the floor as he committed what he said was his first felony.

“I didn’t even look at the cash register,” he said. “I just wanted a beer.”

Laughton wasn’t so drunk that he overlooked the two ladders he thought might be handy for an escape.

But when he walked into the back room to grab the ladders, he triggered the store’s burglar alarm.

One of the ladders was too short.

The other would have required Laughton to knock over a rack of candy to position it under the hole in the ceiling.

He didn’t want to make a mess, and have to pay for it later if he was caught, he said, so he decided: “I might as well call the cops.”

Waiting for them to arrive, he lit up a cigarette and cracked open a beer.

Police officers laughed that he chose a warm display can of Coors when he was surrounded by ice-cold imports, but Laughton said he had gotten used to warm brew on construction sites.

“Beer is beer,” he said.

He said he will plead guilty today in Van Nuys Municipal Court. “What else can I do?” he said. “I broke in the store. You gotta face what you do.”

And Laughton wanted those amused cops to know that he is not the dim bulb they think. He had a 3.5 grade-point average in high school before dropping out in his junior year, and “I have a pretty close to genius IQ,” he said.

“I forget what it is, but it’s something over 140.”