IT WAS A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT:...

IT WAS A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT: THE FINAL CONFLICT: Yet More of the Best (?) from the Bulwar-Lytton Fiction Contest compiled by Scott Rice (Penguin: $8., illustrated). The creator of turgid Victorian potboilers, Edward George Bulwar-Lytton began his “Paul Clifford” (1830) with the phrase so often spoofed by Snoopy and many others: “It was a dark and stormy night.” Rice founded the annual Bulwar-Lytton contest that invites people to write the opening sentence of an imaginary awful novel, and this latest collection of entries proves the contestants rise--or sink--to the challenge: “Her mouth said, ‘No! no! no!’ but every other inch of her throbbing body said, ‘Yes! yes! yes!’ except for her pancreas, which didn’t care much either way.” “Being a near-sighted rapist was hard enough, even before the town was garrisoned by a Highland regiment.” “She raised the barrel of her Browning 20-gauge and aimed for Daniel’s lower chakras.” Great fun to read aloud with group of friends.