Take a Hike

What has 22 legs, flat wallets, and eats nuts and berries in a boot camp for civilians?

The answer is you and your fellow Ashram hikers when you sign up for one of the Calabasas spa’s $2,000 spring hiking flings.

On April 26, the spa-- frequented by folks such as Sharon Stone, Jane Fonda and Mariel Hemingway--puts on another weeklong “vacation,” featuring hikes that are meant to reintroduce your legs to what they were designed to do.

The ups and downs of foot-cruising the Santa Monicas start with relatively sissy stuff and progress to the burn.

Each morning, campers start the day with a three-hour hike and, after a period of recovery, there’s a two-hour afternoon reprise.

The three squares a day you and your 10 fellow adventurers will receive are vegetarian and feature many delicious things that are often green.

If you think that you deserve some frills and pampering for that formidable upfront cash outlay, you can count on indoor plumbing, and maybe a Swedish massage.

And if you blew your last $2,000 appeasing your landlord and making car payments, there are always a slew of organizations that will lead you around the Santa Monicas for free.

Of the 31 groups listed in the Santa Monica Mountains Recreation Area Calendar, 14 are based in the San Fernando Valley. The calendar, a schedule of hikes and other events offered by these naturalist groups, is available by writing or calling the National Park Service in Agoura Hills.

There are hikes short and long, day and evening, easy and difficult; hikes for the kids, teen-agers and those in recovery from perambulation phobia. There are walks for people to meet nature, walks for singles to meet each other, and walks that entertain as much as they provide exercise.

For example, one of the many periodic hikes and outings sponsored by the National Park Service is titled “Lights, Camera, Action” at Paramount Ranch. It features an easy walk through the Western Town movie set there; it will be held again in mid-June. Another major sponsor is the Sierra Club, which leads a number of hikes and programs.

So turn off the television and head for the hills.

Shout It Out

Ex-priest William Butler of West Hills is a therapist who teaches people how to get mad.

If you’re having trouble expressing your anger, or your anger expresses itself a little too easily, Butler says he can help you make adjustments that will better your life.

He teaches a course on how to deal with your anger, and other people’s, and what happens if you don’t get it right. It boils down to this: Respect yourself and others by learning how to collect your thoughts, then speak up. Too many people, he says, either just chill out or freak out, making all kinds of trouble for themselves.

Butler sees private patients and, for the general public, holds anger seminars, such as the workshop he will conduct April 27 at Pierce College.

Many of the people he sees are concerned with business issues: They are worried about layoffs, perhaps, or angry over unfair treatment by a boss.

“These people are afraid to speak up about bad treatment because they are worried about getting fired in a bad economy. My question to them is, ‘Why not give it a try anyway? What are you more afraid of losing, your job or your health?’ ”

Surf Rules

Usually, surfers seem to be water beasts rather than political animals, but the wet suits at Cal State Northridge have finally found an issue to curl their toes around.

Under present law, wrote Surf Club member Brett Porter in the CSUN Daily Sundial, the state government can impose any fees it wants at our state beaches.

Five bucks to walk on the sand?

You betcha.

Another buck or so for the dog?

Why not?

Not likely, you say? They found out differently in Northern California.

At Bodega Bay, north of San Francisco, a user charge was initiated last year, causing howls of protests to spread northward to Mendocino County.

Environmentalists took a look at the situation, and the result was an initiative scheduled for the November ballot. Called the Free Beaches Act of 1992, it would prohibit day-use fees, including parking fees, at state beaches.

(Hallelujah!)

Surf Club members are circulating petitions on campus aimed at helping the statewide effort of collecting 500,000 signatures by May 15.

Acting Like Animals

The annual outdoor Easter service will be Sunday at Foothill Boulevard and Clybourn Avenue in Lake View Terrace.

At least one of the attendees will probably try to bite and kick another, and there will be ample evidence of inadequate toilet training.

This 23rd annual Easter service on horseback will begin at 9:30 a.m. at the San Fernando ranger headquarters. Although most of the humans should be sitting tall in the saddle, provisions will be made for those without a horse.

Overheard

“I almost rear-ended the guy in front of me. I thought his bumper sticker said ‘Pave the Rain Forest.’ It was actually ‘Save the Rain Forest.’ ”

--Man to a group of friends in Van Nuys