UNDERSTANDING THE RIOTS / PART 3 : WITNESS TO RAGE : ‘We’re walking on a blade’s edge.

I was at home when we heard our shop had been looted. We hurried out here. All the front glass was broken, and laser discs--about $30,000 worth-- were gone.

The next day, everyone in the shopping mall got together. The younger ones took arms and guarded the first floor, front door and rear. We had five workers, including me. Altogether in the shopping mall there were more than 10 of us.

We don’t know what the next few years will hold. Even if it becomes calm, and this passes over, I don’t think this area will become safe. There are a lot of illegal Hispanics and there are many drug dealers nearby. These people are running around unemployed. We don’t know when they’ll come to this area to steal.

We’re still protecting ourselves. Since the riot started, we haven’t been able to go home once. All of us have been sleeping here. We’ve been eating and sleeping here. I haven’t seen the faces of my family in a week.

On the night of the looting, we called the police but we didn’t see them. They turned their sirens on and just passed us. Even now, I doubt we can get protection from any kind of police or National Guard. People are still scrawling graffiti on our store walls. And we’re still cleaning it up everyday.

At the time of the riot, I felt very desolate. The only thing I thought then was that I needed to guard this store. Now that it’s settled down, and I think to myself, “Why has the media turned a black-white problem into a black-Korean one?” I don’t know about the politics of this, but there’s something unsettling about the news reporting.

Basically, what happened is the fault of the politicians. There’s something wrong with the way they’re running race relations. Of course, that’s not to say the looters were justified--the blacks and Hispanics. But the American government hasn’t given them jobs, only fed them with welfare. With that being cut, what else can they do but steal?

Still, I can’t justify what they did. But I do understand their motive--their poverty, their hunger. Also, the riot came from a deeply rooted black and white problem. But still, I can’t forgive what they did.

What can I do so this doesn’t happen again? I don’t think there’s any good solution. But perhaps if the LAPD increases its strength and always patrols problem areas and responds quickly that would do it. There is a separate Korean security group, and they can continue to patrol. But there are legal problems; they can’t arm themselves. If the Korean community wants to overcome this situation, the Korean community should unite and find a way to protect itself in a legal way.

Up until now, I hadn’t had any real feelings of discrimination. I lived in mainstream American society. I worked in business with Americans. But after this experience, I think I may have to reconsider. There are a lot of walls. Especially now, we’re walking on a blade’s edge.

I don’t think Koreans are entirely blameless. In my opinion, those doing business in the black community don’t have the proper understanding to do business there. They can’t speak the language or understand black customs. So even if they don’t mean to be that way, the Korean merchants are perceived as being unfriendly. The way Koreans interact with each other doesn’t work in America.

On the other hand, the blacks ask Koreans, “Why don’t you respect us?” But their young kids steal, and the older ones do, too. How can we respect them?

At my store, we don’t sell anything that they can understand. Yet, at times, seven or eight black teen-agers will enter, and even on a hot day they’ll come in with thick jackets and put things in their clothing. When they do this, we don’t say a thing. We just close the front and rear doors, we grab baseball bats and tell them to give it up. So we can’t respect them.

The most important thing for me is the dilemma in my heart. I’ve lived in the United States now for 29 years. I went to college here, and graduate school, and got my doctorate here. But now, none of my experiences here seem meaningful. I wonder if, because I’m Asian, I am not really welcome in American society? I wonder whether I should leave here?

But leaving is no easy task either. So I have this dilemma: Should I leave or should I live here? I suppose it’s better to leave than to live in uneasiness. But we can’t just go back without anything there. It’s really difficult to decide.

I guess we just have to wait.