While L.A. burns . . . The...

While L.A. burns . . . The ever-resourceful Board of Airport Commissioners, declaring that it wants to “play an important role in the rebuilding of our city and the lives of its citizens,” has already brightened the lives of one group: the L.A. Convention and Visitors Bureau.

In a letter to city officials, President Robert Chick of the board disclosed that it had provided the bureau with $250,000 “to immediately travel to Asia and Europe to gain an objective look at Los Angeles from those locations.”

City Councilwoman Ruth Galanter reacted by saying: “Once again, the board is looking at a situation from the wrong end of the telescope. In the name of community service it sends people on junkets when it could use the money to set up a training program in the inner city to prepare people for jobs at the airport.”

We only hope that the junketeers defray the cost of the trip by bringing home stationery from the lavish hotels where they stay.

A bit closer to home:

An anonymous critic in Petaluma, Calif., transformed a California Highway Patrol billboard that had once implored motorcyclists not to “forget your thinking cap!” into a commentary on Los Angeles’ recent problems.

Rival fund-raiser: As Democratic presidential hopeful Jerry Brown spoke at City Hall, a panhandler was also asking spectators for money--and apologizing for his direct approach. “I don’t have an 800 number,” he explained.

The witches of Santa Monica: Inasmuch as this year is the 300th anniversary of the opening of the Salem Witch Trials, it’s perhaps appropriate that today marks the opening of “The Crucible,” an opera based on Arthur Miller’s play about the Salem trials. The alleged witches, supplied by the Santa Monica College Opera Company, will perform at nearby St. Augustine-by-the-Sea Church. Spokesman Bruce Smith promises: “There’ll be a full moon, too.”

You think L.A.’s traffic is crazy?John Stein of Pacific Palisades, who’s planning to rent a car in Rome and drive across Italy on his vacation, was advised by his travel agent to hire a taxi at the same time. The agent explained that following the taxi is the only sure way to get out of Rome.

Pizza K-rations, anyone?The flak jackets give them an armored, round-shouldered look. Their color is right. There’s the unmistakable profile of a green helmet and visor. And they are here to protect us from bad guys. No wonder some National Guard troops refer to themselves as L.A.’s Ninja Turtles.

miscelLAny:

A survey in the May/June issue of Special Report magazine found L.A. comparatively slow-paced. The study, which took into account such factors as the speed with which various cities’ pedestrians walk, postal clerks talk and bank tellers make change, ranked Boston No. 1 in the rat race. L.A. was just 36th. Even once-sleepy Oxnard was 27th.