Ways to Bring Sports World Into Alignment

With a proposed realignment of the National League in the news recently, Mark Purdy of the San Jose Mercury News passed along some other ideas:

--”College football should realign itself into two divisions. There should be the “We Encourage Steroid and Corvette Usage” division and the “Diploma Isn’t a Dirty Word” division. The latter, which would include such schools as Rice and Northwestern, would play a postseason championship game called the “Cultural Elite Bowl,” broadcast on PBS.

--”Rob Dibble should be realigned into the World Wrestling Federation.

--”The Tour de France bicycle race should be realigned onto the Santa Monica Freeway--during rush hour. We would definitely see how many of those guys in the funny stretch pants are real men.

--”Andre Agassi’s hairstylist should be realigned into the landscaping profession, where the use of hedge clippers is looked upon with more favor.

--”The PGA Tour should be realigned so that every threesome in every round in every tournament must include one golfer from the Senior Tour. Strictly for charisma purposes.”

*

Trivia time: Who was the first U.S. woman to win an Olympic gold medal?

*

For what it’s worth: During the early 1930s, Studebaker produced a car called the Rockne, which was named for legendary Notre Dame football Coach Knute Rockne.

*

Straight shooter: Quarterback Troy Aikman of the Dallas Cowboys, asked about UCLA Coach Terry Donahue, told Inside Sports: “I have more respect for Coach Donahue than any man I’ve ever known. The reason for that is that he was very honest with me. A lot of times I felt, ‘Boy, I don’t agree with anything he’s telling me,’ but he always told me what he believed.”

*

Level-headed: After Brazil lost to Venezuela last month in the semifinals of the basketball Tournament of the Americas, ending its chance of playing against the U.S. team before the Olympics, Oscar Schmidt of Brazil stayed on the court for several minutes to sign autographs for some children.

“We lost a game,” Schmidt told Bob Ryan of the Boston Globe. “It is not war. We lost to a team that played better. The children are not at fault.”

Wrote Ryan: “Every American sports team executive ought to mail that statement to each athlete on his squad.”

*

Trivia answer: Margaret Abbott, who won her gold medal in golf at the 1900 Games in Paris. She later told relatives that she won the tournament “because all the French girls apparently misunderstood the nature of the game scheduled for that day and turned up to play in high heels and tight skirts,” according to David Wallechinsky’s “The Complete Book of the Olympics.”

A socialite, Abbott had traveled to Paris to study art. She died in 1955, unaware that the tournament she had won was a part of the Olympics, Wallechinsky reported.

*

Quotebook: Horse trainer Sonny Hine: “Show me an expert, and I’ll show you an idiot.”