All in the Family Values

Just in time for this week’s Republican convention comes a report to marketing executives from the Socio-Economic Research Institute in New York that the “family values” theme promoted by Vice President Dan Quayle is a fad, not a serious trend.

The institute notes that the “family values” theme does present marketing opportunities, such as the advertising campaign Volvo has launched around it.

Officials advise marketers that they can exploit the theme so long as they don’t take sides.

Still, the theme is expected to have a short shelf life.

“Think of ‘the return to family values’ as you would ‘Batman Returns,’ ” the institute says.

“It’s exploitable, but will vanish from the public consciousness when its screen run is completed.”

For Sale by Owners

If you’ve ever wondered what kind of things people will try to peddle in a stagnant economy, a scan through the classified ads of various publications can be revealing.

Consider these items that are now on the market:

* A crossbow and arrow manufacturing business in Utah for $650,000.

* An artificial insemination laboratory in Los Angeles for an unspecified amount.

* Two Boeing 707 jets priced at $2.5 million each.

* A $1-million company that makes robots to fix sewer pipes.

Of course, renting is an option for those who can’t afford to buy.

Among the things available to rent is the late actor John Wayne’s 136-foot yacht, the “Wild Goose,” which he used to dock outside his Newport Beach home.

The Duke’s former yacht has been remodeled, and even comes equipped with a helipad.

$5 Says He Doesn’t

This month’s issue of Savings Institutions, the monthly magazine published by the nation’s main trade association for savings and loans, includes an article titled “Perot Candidacy Promises More Focus on Economic Issues.”

Written by Phil Gasteyer, executive vice president with the Savings & Community Bankers of America, the article notes, “We’ll find out in four short months whether Perot can capture the prize.”

Briefly . . .

That will eliminate a lot of people: Wall Street lawyer Martin Lipton and Jay Lorsch of Harvard are proposing that corporate directors devote more than 100 hours per year to each board on which they serve . . . Marin County is host to a “Comparative Melon Tasting” event this week being used to promote melons . . . A Beverly Hills chiropractor is offering a “recession stress special.”