He’s a Real Expert at Getting an Outrageous Message Across
To a convention of real estate agents, he talked about a new policy of reduced commissions and $25 fines for not responding to 24-hour beepers.
He told cement company executives that their cushy company cars were being replaced by Yugos.
He told the farewell dinner for a U.S. attorney in San Diego that truth-be-told the guy’s bosses in Washington always thought he was a dunce.
He informed high-tech workers that their firm’s strict new drug-testing program will require catheters.
And recently, dressed as an Army officer, he told oil business executives in Chicago that he had to redesign Gen. Schwarzkopf’s battle plans for Desert Storm while the general was bowling with a Saudi prince.
Meet Bob Ross, 57, of Bonita, professional put-on artist.
For $3,000 ($500 less if it’s in San Diego and he doesn’t have to travel), he’ll come to your group’s convention and scare/annoy/frustrate the hell out of everybody until they get the joke.
He’s introduced as a government regulator, a honcho from the regional office, an outside expert, etc.
He convinced health industry administrators that he was Ross Perot’s health policy adviser by spouting mock Perotisms, viz: “If you’re going to swallow a frog, it doesn’t pay to look at it too long.”
He starts out all serious and gains credibility by flinging around the buzz words of the particular trade.
Then he flings the wild stuff. Like calmly telling a group that new regulations will put them out of business.
Some groups catch on faster than others. A guy at the oil convention stomped out because he thought Ross was trying to hog all the Desert Storm glory.
He also does straight speeches about humor in the workplace and humor as a way to beat stress. He has a newsletter and a book.
He’s a reformed bureaucrat. From 1979 to 1988 he was a housing rehabilitation specialist and then deputy director for the San Diego Housing Commission.
Humor was a sideline. In 1988, he decided to be funny full time. He doesn’t miss his old life.
“For sure I’m going to live longer than if I’d have stayed in government,” he says. “I’m relaxed, I’m having fun, and I’m paying the bills. What more can you ask?”
Considering the Limits
Everywhere you look.
* That was then, this is now.
Susan Golding is mulling (but leaning against) last week’s challenge by mayoral rival Peter Navarro for each to limit campaign spending to $500,000.
It’s not like Golding hasn’t heard the idea before.
Take last November’s now-infamous memo to Golding from consultant/pollster Dick Dresner (better known for its frank discussion of the public’s “underlying skepticism about Golding’s own ethics”).
The Dresner memo also suggested that Golding “take the lead in establishing the rules for the upcoming campaign.”
Among the suggestions: “She could propose spending limits.”
* The case hasn’t hit the courts yet but there’s a chance of civil and/or criminal charges involving the rape of a German shepherd in Lakeside.
The owner of 3-year-old Midnight has contacted both the Sheriff’s Department and a private attorney. Midnight was a breeder whose offspring made excellent police dogs and were selling for $500 per puppy.
Midnight had an emergency hysterectomy after being found with injuries consistent with having been molested by a human being. Investigation continues.
* I like that L.A.Tronics display ad (page A5 in The Times on Friday) for a $269.97 portable word processor.
Especially the part that assures “ grammer check eliminates spelling and grammatical errors.”
High on Learning
Higher education.
A cop in East County gets suspicious when he notices a guy sitting at a stop sign for too long.
So he buzzes up and asks the guy a few questions to see if he’s under the influence.
The guy is doing pretty good until the cop asks about his education.
The guy decides to crack wise: “I’ve had extensive education in alcohol consumption.”
That does it for the cop who performs a few tests and decides, yes, the fellow had been studying that night. Within a few minutes the cop enrolls the guy in jail.
