The Startling End to Such a Promising Life : Suicide: Torrance High School student Eric Fadeley was a high achiever in academics and sports. ‘You couldn’t have ordered a more perfect son,’ his grieving father says.

In the past week, Fred Fadeley has talked to dozens of people--friends, reporters, acquaintances--about his son’s suicide, but he still feels no one has gotten it right.

Yes, he says, Eric Fadeley was an extraordinary athlete. And yes, the 15-year-old was on the mound in Kissimmee, Fla., last month when his Central Torrance Little League team lost, 3-2, to the Dominican Republic, eliminating them from world championship contention.

But Eric did not seem driven to despair by the loss, Fadeley said. And he was not the brooding product of overbearing parents.

Fadeley briefly vanishes from the living room of his comfortable Torrance home and returns a few moments later with three large boards covered with snapshots.

Between sips of coffee and puffs of a cigarette, he tries, at times a little clumsily, to help yet one more reporter get it right.

“There he is as a 6-year-old on a basketball team,” he begins, pointing to a photo. “There he is as a 6-year-old holding a fish he caught. There he is as a loving grandchild brushing grandpa on his bald head. . . . Look at these pictures. He’s smiling in every one of them.”

It has been more than a week since Eric killed himself with one of his father’s handguns, but every day, every hour, Fred Fadeley and his wife, Kerry, have fresh tears to shed.

They find no comfort in numbers, which show that thousands of youths nationwide take their own lives every year. In 1989, the most recent year for which there are national statistics, more than 4,800 youths between the ages of 15 and 24 killed themselves.

Adolescent suicide is always painful for those left behind. But what makes the Fadeleys’ loss particularly poignant, many say, is that nobody, neither family members nor friends, saw it coming.

Suicidal youngsters, experts say, usually appear to be noticeably disturbed. They are frequently depressed, addicted to alcohol and drugs and involved in a number of troubled relationships.

“They usually are having a lot of personality problems and problems getting along,” said psychologist Norman Farberow, co-founder of the Suicide Prevention Center in Los Angeles, a pioneer in its field. “It will show in difficulties in school, difficulties with the family, difficulties in his relationships, and there will be a whole history of problems.”

Eric, who killed himself Sept. 10, two and a half weeks after the Little League series loss and just one day into the new school year, did not fit that profile.

The only son of Fred and Kerry Fadeley was extremely close to his half-sister, Julie, 24, and half-brother, Dean, 31. Eric loved the outdoors, his father says, and frequently joined Dean and his father for hunting, fishing and camping trips--even as recently as 10 days before his death.

Although just a freshman at Torrance High School last year, Eric earned a reputation for excellence both on the field and in the classroom. In addition to baseball, the 6-foot-1, 165-pound youth played basketball and soccer and was selected most valuable player of the freshman basketball team last season.

Playing sports did not hamper his academic abilities. Despite an active, year-round sports schedule, he achieved a 3.8 grade-point average at the end of his freshman year.

“He wanted to excel at whatever he touched,” his father said. “No matter how good he was . . . it was always, ‘I wish I could do a little more.’ ”

Eric was not even satisfied with his achievements in baseball, the sport in which he had received so many honors, his half-sister said. “He could strike every kid out but if he didn’t make a double or a triple, he wasn’t happy. No matter how great he was, it was never good enough.”

That kind of thinking, psychologists and others say, can be characteristic of obsessive perfectionism. Although the disorder is rarely associated with teen-age suicide--one psychologist said he has treated only half a dozen youths with the disorder out of several hundred cases--it can be deadly.

“Everything the person does isn’t good enough,” said psychologist Michael Peck, who co-authored a book with Farberow on teen-age suicide and helped prepare the suicide prevention curriculum used in California schools. “Their parents can tell them all they want that they are great kids, but it is never good enough.”

It isn’t easy for the Fadeleys to talk about their son’s suicide, but they have agreed to one more interview because they believe they might be able to help other families recognize signs of trouble.

Fred Fadeley, a compactly built service manager supervisor with silvery hair and a mustache, is 49 years old. His wife, Kerry, a gentle, soft-spoken woman with short-cropped hair who works as an insurance supervisor, is 42. Although they both have a child from a previous union, Eric was the only child they had together.

Before last week, the Fadeleys were not particularly worried about their son’s perfectionist streak, even though they say they often encouraged him to ease up on himself. And if Eric was depressed or under stress, they were in the dark about it.

Only Eric’s girlfriend, Valerie Rivera, 15, a sophomore at Torrance High School, sensed something was wrong. Although she spoke to Eric the day before he killed himself, she just didn’t know what was troubling him.

Although Eric had a lot of friends, he rarely opened up to speak about what was on his mind, Rivera and other friends said.

“It seemed like he didn’t want anyone to get too close,” said Oliver Turner, 15, a Little League teammate who had known Eric since grammar school. “He kind of kept to himself.”

The day before Eric killed himself, Sept. 9, also yielded few clues of trouble.

Eric had walked the dog before leaving for his first day of school. When he returned later that afternoon, he and his Little League teammates attended a California Angel baseball game at Anaheim Stadium where they were honored for having placed third in the Senior League World Series, the highest finish of any U.S. team.

“He was fine the night of the Angel game,” his friend and teammate Kevin Campbell, 15, said. “We were joking and he seemed to be having a good time.”

When Eric returned home, the Fadeleys took him out for dinner. The family watched television briefly before turning in for the night.

The next morning, a Thursday, Eric told his parents he planned to meet some friends before school. He kissed his mother goodby as she left for work about 7:30 a.m. and, when his father headed out a few minutes later to meet some friends for coffee, Eric gave him a hug at the door.

When Fred Fadeley returned to the house about an hour later, he did not know his son had not yet left for school. A few minutes later, at 8:50 a.m., he heard a shot ring out near the front of the house.

“I ran outside thinking it was a drive-by (shooting),” Fadeley said.

He came back inside and panicked, thinking someone was in his son’s room. When he opened the door, he found Eric on the bed, with a gunshot wound to the head. He was pronounced dead at a local hospital.

In a note found nearby, Eric said he decided to kill himself because he was worried about whether he would be able to handle the pressures of school and because he believed he was ugly and a bad son.

“Everything he mentioned in his note was a complete opposite of what he was,” said Julie, his half-sister. “He didn’t think he was good looking, but look at him. He was gorgeous. He thought he wasn’t a good son, but you couldn’t have ordered a more perfect son or brother.”

Fred Fadeley, an avid hunter who keeps a 600-pound locked gun vault in his bedroom, is concerned that gun-control advocates might try to use his son’s suicide to further their own agenda.

Although he still is not sure how Eric found the combination to the gun vault, he does not believe stricter gun-control laws would have saved his life.

News of Eric’s suicide spread rapidly at Torrance High School, the picturesque campus that serves as the setting of the television series “Beverly Hills 90210.”

By 11 a.m. the day of the shooting, school officials had already dispatched a crisis team to the campus and teachers were beginning to break the news to their fourth-period classes. Students who were having trouble coping were advised to see members of the crisis team.

Dave Sargent, a Torrance Unified School District trustee whose 19-year-old son, Jonathan, killed himself in 1985, said Eric’s death reminded him that “it takes years, literally years, to get over the grieving process.”

Ironically, therapists say Torrance High has been at the forefront in offering counseling services for teens through the Center for Alternatives for Today’s Stresses that operated on campus through last year.

The privately funded counseling program was closed at the start of this school year for lack of funds.

Sargent said Eric’s death speaks to the need for such counseling for troubled teens. He also said he will press school officials to find funding sources to reopen the counseling center.

“I think the time is here to do that,” Sargent said. “If we saved one life, it would be worth it. The terrible thing about programs like this is you never know. You only know when you lose one.”