Fun Facts and Finer Points of Freshman Football

It was a wistful look, one that seemed to suggest he’d much rather be home watching “Chip ‘N Dale’s Rescue Rangers” on TV than spending another second sweating it out in freshman football practice.

Of course, when you’re new to organized football--as 31 of Edison’s 37 freshmen are this season--it’s only natural to lose concentration now and then, what with the marching band boom-booming in the background and tufts of grass trying to trip up your newly cleated feet.

For both coach and player, freshman football can be the athletic equivalent of Murphy’s Law--and most times, a whole lot of fun.

With the help of the Charger freshmen--and their coaches--we offer a few of the finer points of the rookie game:

--Putting your uniform on correctly, without the aid of parent, coach, or in-depth owner’s manual, is the first initiation rite of all players. No one does it right the first time--nor usually the second or third.

Hip pads get confused with thigh pads, thigh pads get confused for elbow pads, and shoulder pads get turned around a half-dozen times before they’re put on right.

Helmets? Not bad, if you like the feeling of total brain squeeze. Also, trying not to gag on your mouthpiece. It’s gross.

--The Mom Factor. Can’t be helped. If you’ve got one, she won’t want you to play--period.

Somewhere along the line, every mother in America had a vision reveal that her son would someday get slammed by a 250-pound linebacker and wind up in the hospital. When this doesn’t happen the first week, you’ll then be subject to . . .

--The Mom Check. Happens after every game--or even practice. She’ll want to see your fingers, wrists, arms, legs, head, neck. . . . every piece of you that could possibly be twisted, torn or bruised.

Bear with it. And whatever you do, don’t let on you’re in complete and total pain.

--Hit or quit. For some, it’s a natural habit. Others have a tough time getting up the nerve to tackle.

Says Charger Mike Shwam: “I used to be scared. Now I just go, ‘If that guy gets the ball, he’s slammed!’ ”

Says teammate Nate Fox: “You’ve got to hit to survive.”

--Intro to weightlifting. That cry of pain you heard a few weeks back was that of several hundred freshman boys waking up with their first lactic acid attack, the aftereffect of their first serious weight workout.

Fullback Dan Rousseve was smart. He started working out 10 months ago. “I can totally feel the difference,” he says. “I mean, I used to be chunky. Now I’ve got a faded six-pack!”

(Translation: Rousseve believes his stomach muscles to be quite defined, but not quite as defined as someone with a total six-pack).

--Nutrition. Not everyone has the money--or the need--to buy those expensive amino acid/protein/pencil shaving supplements they sell at sporting goods stores. You’ve got to find what works best for you.

Charger Mike Murphy now has a favorite--a blend of orange juice, milk and bananas. Made for a terrific Hell Week, he says. Of course, he did have a few reject formulas, too.

“Raw eggs, apple parts and prunes,” Murphy says. “It, uh, didn’t make me feel too good.” Thanks, Mike, no need to elaborate.

--Notes from home. In the freshman ranks, these are a must. Says Edison freshman assistant Coach Bob Isherwood: “In my next life, I’m going to be an orthodontist. These kids are constantly missing practice to go to the orthodontist.”

The more creative, the better. Your dog got sick so you couldn’t make practice. You got your hair stuck in the typewriter so you were late. You accidentally locked your helmet in the back of a car that your dad just sold to a guy who decided to drive to Argentina that very morning.

--Memory lapses. You show up for the game bus an hour late. You wear an away uniform when the game’s at home. The coach sends you to the huddle with a play and all you can remember is what kind of pizza you ordered last night. You start humming the “Chip ‘N Dale” theme song on the line of scrimmage.

Enjoy it while you can. You’re only a freshman once.