BOTTOM LINE

These days, the only thing more popular than patronizing coffeehouses is opening coffeehouses; L.A. adult ed centers are awash in courses with such catchy titles as “Open Your Own Espresso Bar!” But one trend is as old as the other; consider the following tips from “How to Run a Coffee House,” a 1959 book written by Bob Stane, former owner of San Diego’s now defunct Upper Cellar Coffee House:

* Create a bizarre name, but avoid going off the deep end with names like “House of Orgies” or “Den of the Five Narcotics.” Avoid names that are patently naive, such as “The Beatnik Hangout” and “The Cool and Crazy Pad.”

* Fortune cookies with messages such as “Fortune Writers Union on strike, sorry no fortune” have shown success.

* Go for unusual entertainment. We received wide publicity after a man performed “Cranial Painting” by using his hair, beard, nose, ears and the rest of his face instead of a brush.

Have spies in high schools and colleges who can report on current slang and fads. Failure to use current phrases and ignorance of trends can be excused, but use of a bit that died last month is as unforgivable as playing Glenn Miller records on “American Bandstand.”