Casserole Brigade Chases Potluck of Love : Camarillo: At Leisure Village, where elderly women outnumber men 10 to 1, late-life liaisons can bloom with the simple act of bringing food to a widower.

They are known as the Casserole Brigade: single elderly women quick to offer a hot meal to a new widower.

Their still-warm dishes can be a foothold into the homes of men suddenly available to become a husband, live-in friend or just a partner for the weekly square dance.

“No one will ever admit it,” said Gertrude Kern, an 83-year-old resident of Camarillo’s Leisure Village, the largest single enclave of the elderly in Ventura County. “But women do call up men who’ve been recently widowed, first to console, but who knows where it will lead,” she said.

Remarriages, live-in relationships and companionships are common among neighbors who suddenly find themselves alone after long marriages, said Bob Cullati, general manager of the Leisure Village Assn., which manages the grounds and common spaces for the 3,500 villagers.

These late-life liaisons, though the subject of gossip, are seen by many as a sign of optimism about the future, community residents say.

Single after three marriages and not looking for a fourth husband, Kern wrote the Casserole Brigade into her play “Life Is a Matter of Luck” after several years of watching couples come together in the retirement village.

In the play, which was performed in September, a new resident of Leisure Village is visited by women with an array of casseroles who make it clear that they are available. As his house fills, the women begin to fight over him, with barbs like, “I see you couldn’t wait, Pauline.”

Kern says her play is a parody of life behind the gates of the well-to-do village. It’s a world where single women outnumber single men 10 to 1 and those interested in romance are more likely to read obituary notices than personals, she says.

“No one cooks for a woman,” Kern said, reciting a poem she has written. “But a widower has it made. Lonely neglected widows form a casserole parade.”

Kathleen R. Stone, a single woman in her 70s and a village resident, agrees that single men are treated royally. “Especially if he has money or if he’s attractive.”

Stone’s husband died seven months ago from a heart attack, but she says “life goes on.” She’s dated several men and has had two proposals, she said.

“I can’t do anything about bringing my husband back,” Stone said. “But if you can attract a man, the widow will have a good time.”

Georgette Schottland, also in her 70s, recently began dating, although she can not legally remarry because her husband is in a nursing home with Alzheimer’s disease, which has incapacitated him for five years.

She says she’s looking for an escort, nothing long term, although she says she wouldn’t join any casserole brigade.

“I refuse to try it. I want a man who wants me for me, not for my cooking,” Schottland said. “If a man’s attracted to me, he has to approach me. I’m a little old-fashioned.”

But for men, approaching women is still daunting. And finding the right woman is an elusive endeavor.

“Even though there are 400 widows here and it seems like shooting fish in the rain barrel, it’s not so easy,” said Philip Friedel, a single 73-year-old man who has lived in the village for 11 years.

Although Friedel is dating two women, he says women’s memories of their former marriages can be an obstacle to falling in love. Involvement with children and grandchildren and fears of commitment also get in the way of establishing a new relationship, he complains.

Some women in Leisure Village are only interested in finding a man to serve as a roommate for handiwork and company, Friedel said. In one case, he said, a woman showed him an extra bedroom in her house on their first date, matter-of-factly informing him, “This is where you’ll stay.”

Despite his age, Friedel says that living as a bachelor in Leisure Village has provided him with more opportunities for romance than at any other time of his life.

“When I was very young, women were strict and rigid about their sexual conduct,” Friedel said. “Now women are more sexually aggressive. . . . They immediately want to know your status.”

While Friedel has remained a bachelor, many single residents of Leisure Village ultimately pair off in new marriages. The village recreation center is a common place for wedding receptions.

Esther and Michael Maltun--she is 76 and he is 79--were friends during their previous marriages, which lasted over 50 years. The two of them were married earlier this year.

“There are so few men, it is difficult,” said Esther Maltun. “Men have the advantage. At this age, it’s not easy to adjust as you do when you’re young. But we both are Scrabble players and have other common interests.”

Murray and Sylvie Kanner met after Murray read in the obituaries that Sylvie’s husband had died. He had his eye on her even before her husband’s death, he said. And he moved fast when his opportunity arrived.

Murray, 78, decided on a strategy amounting to a male spinoff of Casserole Brigade tactics--he called Sylvie, 72, to tell her that she had left an attic light on and offered to find the switch.

It was a ploy that worked. He began dating Sylvie 30 days after her husband died and married her a year later.

“There’s no such thing as a reasonable length of time,” he said. “It can be 36 hours or 36 years.”

But it doesn’t mean the past is forgotten, Kanner says.

“There’s not a day you forget what went before,” he said. “But you can’t look back all the time. I wish we got married sooner.”