FAMILIES : Behavioral Help : Special group offers information, guidance and moral support for parents with disturbed children.

For years, families of mentally, emotionally and behaviorally disturbed children have suffered a stigma that generally has been spared the families of children with other types of disabilities.

“You get blamed for your child being the way he is,” said Ellen Linder, a Moorpark mother of four whose oldest son was diagnosed as being emotionally and behaviorally disturbed 10 years ago. “People think you must have done something terrible to have a child who acts that way.”

Helping families cope with the often-barbed and frequently ignorant comments of neighbors, teachers and relatives was only one of the goals behind the creation last year of United Parents, a monthly support group founded by Linder and her husband, Norm.

The Linders also knew that parents of mentally, emotionally and behaviorally disturbed children needed guidance and information:

They needed to know what their rights were when it came to seeking special services through the public schools. What the current treatments were for children with specific types of mental illness. How different medications affect their youngsters. What behavior management techniques could be used to help their children and families. What to do if their children have run-ins with the law.

And they needed the information, the Linders were convinced, under one roof and in language they could understand.

“It’s very confusing and difficult for parents of these children to access a lot of the systems,” agreed Gayle Demrow, a special education teacher for severely emotionally disturbed students at Royal High School in Simi Valley.

“At times, professionals just come out with so much lingo and abbreviations, and that makes it harder. There also isn’t as much help as there needs to be for children with emotional difficulties. They are kind of the forgotten group in special education.”

But the Linders’ vision may now be much closer to a reality, thanks to a $10,000 grant the couple obtained earlier this year. County residents can now access information about mental, emotional and behavioral problems at the United Parents Resource Library, which officially opened its doors at the Camarillo airport on Monday.

The library has more than 200 books, 100 articles, several specialized journals and a dozen videotapes that can be viewed, on-site, at no charge. The material was obtained after the Linders conferred with mental health professionals, social workers and special education teachers.

It is believed to be the first such library of its kind in the county.

“The Alliance for the Mentally Ill has their own library, but it is predominantly for adults. So as far as I know, there’s nothing like it,” said Norm Linder, whose efforts over the years earned him the distinction of being the first parent of a behaviorally disturbed child appointed to the county’s Mental Health Advisory Board.

For parents such as Charlotte Rose, who has just begun seeking out special services for her child and views herself as a novice, the library is a godsend.

“What was really neat about it is there are so many different books about different topics. I used to have to send away for a book here, a book there,” Rose said.

“Parents have to be very assertive and go for what they want for their children, or else they can get overlooked. So I really think you have to know what’s going on. To have everything right there, in one place, is just wonderful.”

That view isn’t just shared by parents. County mental health professionals, social workers and public school teachers--who provide special services to an estimated 2,500 mentally, emotionally and behaviorally disturbed children and adolescents throughout the county--say the more information a parent has, the better.

“It makes it easier for the parents, and that benefits the kids,” said Demrow.

Demrow, who said she was approached by the Linders about what educational material she thought should be available at the library, also is excited about having so much information at one site. And parents, she said, won’t be the only ones going there.

“We have a support group for teachers, mental health professionals, administrators and anyone else who deal with students who are emotionally disturbed, and we are going to have our meeting there next week,” she said.

“We’ve also been told that if United Parents has a speaker at their meetings, they will tape it so we can see it later. The more we know, the better.”

FYI

The United Parents Resource Library is located at 555 Airport Way, Suite C, Camarillo. Hours are 8 a.m. to 5 p.m., Monday through Friday. For more information call 388-4215.