Making Time for Special Friendships : Program: Adult volunteers become buddies and role models to children in Olive Crest homes for abused youths.

Linda Gronski and her special buddy, Laura, have become the best of friends. Laura, 17, now has a person she can confide in, share her life with, and, most importantly, trust and count on.

“I needed a more stable family life,” Laura said.

And Gronski said Laura (not her real name) has added a new dimension to her life.

“We both had holes in our lives. I was going through a midlife crisis,” Gronski said about turning 40.

“It bothered me that I didn’t have children, so this was one way I could influence someone’s life and fulfill some of my own needs. We’ve helped each other out a lot.”

Gronski, who is married, became a “special friend” to Laura 18 months ago. Gronski is among about 40 Orange County adults who have befriended children living in Olive Crest homes for abused youths.

The Anaheim-based nonprofit organization helps more than 500 children a year. Children, from newborns up to 18-year-olds, are placed with foster families or in residential treatment homes operated by the organization.

Olive Crest has 13 homes in Orange County and another dozen in Riverside and Los Angeles counties for abused--either mentally, sexually or physically--and neglected children. Each home can accommodate up to six children.

Laura said having a special friend means she has someone she can go places with, such as the mall or the movies, and do things with, like putting together a puzzle and cooking dinner.

“When I was told I would have a special friend just for me, it was cool,” said the high school senior, who has been separated from her parents for three years. “I didn’t have anyone to take me places and spend time with me. I had no one who was there on a regular basis for me.”

Olive Crest Vice President Donald Verleur, whose parents, Donald and Lois Verleur, founded the organization in 1973, said the program is indeed special for the children.

“The kids come and get placed in homes with paid staff and they don’t get the opportunity to go out in the community,” he said. “So we developed this program to give the child an opportunity to enjoy the community with a special friend.”

Special friends are also role models for the children, Verleur said.

“They’re like a big brother or big sister, someone who can say: ‘I believe in you,’ ” he said. “A special friend can model appropriate behaviors. A lot of children haven’t had appropriate role models.”

Being a special friend takes a one-year commitment. It involves weekly contact with the child either by phone or in person, and a minimum of two visits a month. Adult volunteers must go through a screening and orientation process, which includes being fingerprinted.

“They need to be there for them to provide friendship,” said Anne Wolfe, Olive Crest special programs coordinator. “A lot of kids don’t have people writing or calling them outside the system. For someone to show interest in them is a valuable thing for them.”

Susan Sprague of Cypress became a special friend to a 15-year-old girl two months ago.

“I wasn’t afraid of making the commitment for a year,” Sprague said. “I was afraid of getting a girl I couldn’t handle.”

She said she became involved because she wanted to help children and has no regrets.

“She knows I care about her and it means a lot to her to know that somebody cares,” Sprague said. “It’s hard to put into words, but I just know when I go to pick up my special friend, I’m excited to see her.”

Gronski said she was apprehensive after she found out she would be paired with a teen.

“I wanted a 10-year-old. I thought I could handle a 10-year-old,” she said. “I had no idea how to handle a 16-year-old.”

But for Gronski, the match could not have been better.

Since their first meeting on July 18, 1991, the pair have become inseparable, they said.

“Some special friends are more dedicated than others,” Gronski said. “They told us we’re supposed to give the kids a view of normality. So, I took that literally because they need someone who’s not a teacher or a therapist but a friend.”

Gronski and Laura talk daily. Laura spends some weekends at Gronski’s Costa Mesa home and she has taken vacations with Gronski. In fact, she took her first airplane ride when they went to Colorado to visit Gronski’s relatives. When Laura had nine teeth pulled for braces last April, Gronski took time off work so the teen-ager could recuperate at her home. Gronski also attends Laura’s choir concerts and school open houses.

Laura said Gronski is someone who will listen to her, someone she can show her report card to, who helps her with homework and includes her in her “normal” everyday family life.

“It makes me want to do more in school because now, I have someone to share it with,” said Laura, who has a 3.6 grade-point average, is secretary of the Senior Class Council and plans to go to college.

Gronski said having someone like Laura in her life makes her feel good. “It makes me feel needed and wanted,” she said.

Laura said the sentiment is mutual.

“It makes me feel important because someone is spending time with me,” she said. “It makes me feel unique because her time is devoted to me, so I get a lot of attention. Maybe too much. But it makes me feel wanted too.”

Both said they hope to be lifetime friends and will stick by each other no matter what happens in their lives.

“I’m committed for as long as (she) wants me,” Gronski said.

“I’ll be taking care of her when she’s 80,” Laura said.

They both laughed.

The two said they encourage others to get involved in the program because of the extraordinary relationship that can develop.

“I would rather have a day in the park feeding the ducks a loaf of bread and have the time and the relationship with that person rather than have them give money to an organization,” Laura said. “It’s more important to have a special friend.”