Topic A : A Different Spin on the World Around Us : Di’s Bad News Is Relative

While it’s bad news that Di has split with Chuck, history shows that girlfriend is indeed lucky; it could have been worse. Here, some royal relationships really gone wrong:

* In France, Eleanor of Aquitaine and Louis VII got hitched when he was about 16. Like most teen marriages, this one didn’t last; he dumped her in 1152. She went off and married Henry of Anjou. When he became king, he took her land.

* The future Louis XII married the daughter of Louis XI. But when his cousin, Charles VIII, died--making Louis XII the new king and freeing up Charles’ wife--Louis dumped wife and married cuz-in-law.

* By all accounts, England’s Henry I was able to successfully balance a career and fatherhood. Besides establishing the Exchequer and reconquering Normandy, he also sired more than 24 kids--some in, but most out of wedlock. Needless to say, his queen was not amused.

* William IV could have been King Henry I Jr. He had 10 kids in 13 years with his live-in lover. They split and he married the Princess Adelaide because the throne needed an heir legit. Their children didn’t survive infancy, so he took his kids from his ex-lover.

* The man who became King George IV was married by proxy to Caroline because her portrait was a stunner. When they finally met, George was so upset that his bride was “stout and unwashed” that he arrived at the church drunk. She got back at him by sleeping with most of Europe. He got back at her by barring her from his coronation.

* And then there were Henry VIII’s Six:

--Catherine of Aragon: This first marriage was annulled because she had given birth to a daughter.

--Anne Boleyn: Another daughter-giver, but also an adulterer. She was beheaded.

--Jane Seymour: Luck was with her--she had a son. Luck was brief--she died days later.

--Anne of Cleves: Henry married her because it was politically convenient. When politics no longer mattered, annulment came.

--Catherine Howard: Discretion was not in her vocabulary. Beheading was in Henry’s.

--Catherine Parr: Nobody’s fool, she never gave Henry a kid, never cheated and probably always had a standing appointment at Ye Beauty Parlor. She might have changed her name to Monique or Selma--seeing how the previous Queen Catherines didn’t fare too well--but luck was with her: Henry died.

Sources: Various , including “Royal Follies: A Chronicle of Royal Misbehavior” by David Randall (Sterling Publishing, 1989).