RESTAURANT REVIEW : Getting Cozy at Tea Pot in W. Hollywood

Walking up to the Tea Pot, the first thing I see is a small, charmingly disheveled English garden dusted with snow. Coreopsis and rambling white roses--dusted with snow. It’s fake snow, of course, one of the Tea Pot’s good-humored attempts at British authenticity.

A friend of mine who used to work for the House of Commons walked into the Tea Pot and immediately renamed it “the Twee Pot,” twee being short for the British slang word tweet , a baby-talk version of sweet . Isn’t it twee ?

Well, yes. The tearoom is small and close, with glass-topped tables draped in crocheted lace. There are tiny silver-topped salt and pepper shakers, lump sugar in glass bowls. Dozens of china teapots are displayed on a high shelf. The menus are pink. Tea is drunk from little glass cups. Frank Sinatra croons from the speakers.

Your fellow tea drinkers could be any of the following: a mother and her 10-year-old daughter, a pair of girlfriends debating Tina Brown’s changes at the New Yorker magazine, three young men with more piercings than a pincushion, or, as at my last visit, a gray-bearded fellow in a cutaway tux jacket and very small black leather hot pants.

Tea is the great pleasure here. Pots come for one, two or four. The pots are warmed, filled and dressed in size-appropriate, very twee chintz tea cozies. Tiny strainers in their own little holders come with each pot.

The Tea Pot staff is fairly meticulous about tea service. If, for example, you switch from one tea to another, you’ll be given a new strainer so as not to taint the new tea with the old. Waitpersons will also add more water to your leaves, if you choose to stoop to such a level.

My only serious objection in the tea department is that the teacups are glass. Tea deserves porcelain, or at the very least, stoneware. Yet I can forgive the glass cup for the tea itself, which can be quite delicious. We had good pots made from loose-leaf Lapsang Souchong, Assam and Irish Breakfast tea. Two different waiters tried to dissuade me from sampling the Russian Caravan tea: “It’s too strong. People hate it,” one said. The tea does bring to mind cold nights on the Siberian Steppes--its aroma suggests both campfires and crudely cured deer hides--and I loved it.

High tea is served daily from 3 to 5 p.m. and includes fruit, four crustless finger sandwiches (cucumber and cream cheese, tomato and cheese, ham and cheese, tuna fish), an enormous scone and “sweetened cream.” No single component is fabulous. The scone, more bready than crumbly, makes up in volume for any shortcoming in texture. And we’ll just ignore the little pink rosettes of “strawberry butter.” The “cream,” however, is a tiny cup of what looks like whipped butter and tastes like whipped butter with confectioner’s sugar, i.e. buttercream frosting. The waitress will try to tell you this is “like Devonshire cream,” but in fact, the sweet yellow dollop bears as much resemblance to the empyrean substance from Devon as the fake snow on the roses out front does to a genuine blizzard.

Elsewhere on the menu, there are more authentic British imports. Where else in Los Angeles can one order Heinz Baked Beans on Toast? The waitress is quick to point out that these aren’t just any Heinz canned baked beans, they are authentic British Heinz baked beans. “Some people swear they taste differently from American Heinz baked beans,” she’ll tell you. Indeed, they’re sweeter, and tinnier.

Regular, as opposed to tea, sandwiches are thick, untrimmed and juicy, although the bread is nothing special. Sandwiches come with good coleslaw studded with mustard seeds, or a pasta salad, or a nice potato salad made with creamy little red boiling potatoes, parsley and a nice light vinaigrette. As per English tradition, however, one mustn’t expect the roast beef to be rare.

Pies and cakes are made on the premises. The cake in the layer cakes have a nice crumb; the fillings and frostings are buttery and rich. I especially liked a dense lemony lemon cake. Almost all the Tea Pot’s pies are a variation of apple pie: apple, berry apple, Christmas apple, the better being a flavorful apple-and-mincemeat pie. The crust is a little thick, a little heavy, but that didn’t stop me from eating far more than was good for me.

* The Tea Pot, 1118 N. Crescent Heights Blvd., West Hollywood, (213) 656-3607. Breakfast, lunch, tea and early supper (until 7 p.m.) 7 days. No alcohol. Major credit cards. Parking in lot. Lunch for two, food only, $13 to $30.