Wonderland for Last-Minute Shoppers of Yuletide Tackiness

Pic ‘N’ Save. A place of dreams unfulfilled, of truly indescribable bargains and of plastic in all its forms.

Here, odds meet ends, bric hits brac and every price tag ends in “9.”

And on this night, just a few nights before Christmas, the Northridge Pic ‘N’ Save has obligingly opened its doors round-the-clock to accommodate insomniacs and other tardy seekers of Yuletide tackiness.

Where else could you go at 2 a.m. and stumble across that perfect under-tree gift for a picky in-law: a knee-high Chinese dog statue glazed in silver-colored paint. Or the treat that easily could replace children’s sugar-plum visions, if only they knew of its existence: cinnamon corn?

It is a store that gathers together all of wholesale’s orphans--the bright light bulb of an idea that never ignited a retail spark. There is the “E-Z To Build Guide” published in 1975, which for 49 cents imparts detailed instructions on building a wooden gun rack and ends each lesson with the plea that you leave your work area “in a clean condition.” There is the “Prince of Thieves” cereal by Ralston, pictured on the box as arrow-shaped kibble coated with green sprinkles.

Yet the secret of successful Pic ‘N’ Save shopping is that even a failed notion may take on the patina of chicness under the store’s neon glow. There was the “Elvis” wine that disappeared in a hip wiggle in the early 1980s, the transparent Christmas tree bulb filled with blue chicken feathers that aced a tacky ornament contest at an upscale Glendale party last year, and a current favorite: Michael Jackson chocolate bars from Switzerland.

“I love this place,” said Diana Schachne, an aspiring singer from Panorama City. “Look what I found tonight. I found some beautiful vases.”

For $3.99 apiece, Schachne had scored four iridescent unicorn statuettes, and all before 1 a.m.

“No one’s going to know where I got them from. . . . I can even give them to snobs!” she emoted, punctuating the idea of such distasteful behavior by poking her nose skyward with a finger. “I’ll wrap them up pretty and they’ll think I got them at Robinson’s.”

Especially in the middle of the night, Pic ‘N’ Save is a store that draws in some of society’s oddities--world-weary women scuffling up and down the aisles in bedroom slippers, super-charged teen-agers in tight black jeans gliding through the store giggling, and young couples entwined so completely it seems amazing they can walk at all.

But for most, the late-night hours are merely convenient, and less cluttered. Gone at that hour are the swaddled infants and women with children straddling both hips, who frequently block the aisles and jack up the noise level during regular hours. Gone are the disorderly lines and interminable price-check delays.

Within 15 minutes of arriving, Reuel Keels of North Hills had a basket filled with gifts for his six nieces, including a “Draw ‘N FAX” kit that makes “six real phone sounds” as kids pretend to send their drawings via facsimile.

Keels runs his own hauling company and frequently works late, which is what brought him to Pic ‘N’ Save. “We called the malls, but they’re only open until 11 p.m.,” his friend, Wendy Burton, said.

Burton said Keels was reluctant to shop at Pic ‘N’ Save. “It’s cheaper, yeah, but some of it is lower-quality too,” he said. “I would’ve been happy to spend more at the malls.”

“But kids want quantity, not quality,” Burton said. “Not like us women. We just want one great big diamond, right?”

A banner hanging from the ceiling over their heads effused: “Over 30,000 Different Bargains Under One Roof!” Yet the hottest last-minute buys for most middle-of-the-night shoppers were the more mundane items: wrapping paper, tinsel and even Christmas cards, no doubt destined to arrive belatedly.

Many shoppers headed directly for these perpetually disarrayed displays, not detouring for a shopping cart or hand basket.

But at some point, most caught Pic ‘N’ Save fever--the unexpected desire to add a hologram baby Jesus to their ornament collection; the burning need for green and red place-card holders on their Noel table, the sudden realization that the holidays would not be complete without a three-piece inflatable Christmas tree or a giant battery-operated metallic ball continuously flashing “Feliz Navidad.”

“You can come in here saying you’re not going to spend any money and you end up spending $100--after about three hours,” said Nancy from Agoura Hills, who asked that her last name not be used.

Rubbing eyes puffy with fatigue, Nancy said she had just begun her “stocking-stuffer” shopping at 12:15 a.m., after putting her 15-month-old daughter to bed. So far she had selected a Santa hand puppet, which she said she hoped would help the baby overcome her fear of Mr. Claus.

Like Nancy, many of the late-night buyers also knew, or quickly learned, Pic ‘N’ Save’s other fundamental secret: Do not enter this store with an itemized shopping list, at least not if you expect to exit with any items checked off.

If you went to the Northridge store looking for a coffee pot for a caffeine-addicted aunt this week, for instance, you would have found only dozens of teapots. If you went hoping to find a Ninja Turtle for a hyperactive nephew, you would discover only the Little Garlicmobile, “Garlic man’s anti-vampire vehicle,” complete with “rotating stench guns” and “garlic grinding gears.”

“You always find everything you don’t want here,” Nancy observed. “And you think you’ve found great stuff too, until you get it home.”