USC’s Fortunes Dry Up Like a Fresno Raisin Left in Sun Too Long

Top 10 USC Excuses for Losing Freedom Bowl

10. Believed special Freedom Bowl rule that outcome of game determined by team judged to be “most in control of their emotions.”

9. Could not contain laughter at raisin jokes told in huddle.

8. Mistakenly thought loss would improve draft position.

7. Became concerned that number of San Joaquin Valley people at game might temporarily affect world food production.

6. Equipment manager forgot to bring inspirational gold jocks to be passed out just before taking the field.

5. Curtis Conway replaced in game by Conway Twitty.

4. Found raisins thrown on field after Fresno State scores to be quite tasty.

3. Trying to do “psych job” on UCLA for its game next season against Cal State San Bernardino.

2. Too busy taking notes on helpful farming tips given by Fresno players between plays.

1. Reference to Fresno State in pregame pep talk as “Li’l Notre Dame” failed to capture imagination of players.

DOUG McISAAC

Garden Grove