Clinton Lampoon Inaugurated : Satire: Slick Times will take aim at Bill and Hillary. But Chelsea is off limits, publisher says.

Let’s get one thing perfectly clear: No Chelsea jokes.

Other than that, everything is fair game: Bill, Hillary, Socks the cat, politicians, lobbyists, lawyers, Arkansas (especially Arkansas), Washington, tax-and-spenders, even Ross Perot. (“He’s starting a watchdog group. That makes sense since he looks like a Chihuahua.”)

Welcome to Slick Times, a new satirical quarterly aimed at the Clinton Administration, with the first 12-page edition to be mailed on Inauguration Day.

It is an act of devilment devised by Michael Dalton Johnson, 46, who lives in northern San Diego County and is a computer software executive, avocado rancher and unrepentant Clinton-basher. His goal is to raise Cain and make a few bucks.

During the presidential campaign, Johnson raised money for a slashing anti-Clinton advertisement (“He Smoked Dope. He Dodged the Draft. He Cheated on His Wife.”) that ran in several suburban newspapers. The ad was disavowed by President Bush’s campaign.

That was fine with Johnson because he was not all that happy with the President anyway. Johnson is basically a Republican, but he did not much like the choices offered in 1992. He said that choosing among Bush, Clinton and Perot was like needing clean underwear but being forced to “decide between three dirty pairs.”

After Clinton’s victory, Johnson decided to go guerrilla. “Political satire is as American as the foot-long hot dog,” he said.

Although Johnson is new to lampooning, he has 20 years experience in publishing and marketing small magazines. He founded Seacoast magazine, operated Back Country Living for several years, and is publisher of two computer magazines, Midrange Computing and Showcase. He also collaborated with the late Redd Foxx on an unpublished compendium of American slang, “Talking Trash.”

Ask him about the incoming chief executive and Johnson says: “He’s a comedy gold mine. He’s got so much baggage coming into this thing, it’s almost too easy.”

Ask him again about Clinton and, in what he concedes is a parody of Arsenio Hall’s description of President Bush, he calls him “that slick, draft-dodging, dope-smoking, no-inhaling, philandering, Elvis-worshiping, Moscow-visiting, special-interest-catering, Big-Mac-loving, henpecked, fork-tongued, Ivy League lawyer.”

What’s more, Johnson figures that there are plenty of people like him just waiting to chomp into the Clintons. He placed an ad in Advertising Age magazine asking for free-lance pieces for Slick Times and was swamped with 300-plus responses, ranging from quips to screeds about Clinton’s economic ideas.

“Some people just didn’t get it,” Johnson said. “This is supposed to be fun.”

Fun, yes, but within limits. That is where the no-Chelsea rule comes in. Teen-agers are out of bounds, Johnson has declared.

“I’ve got six kids of my own,” he said, “so that’s why I’m keeping her out of the loop.”

A spokesman for the Clintons said they will probably take Johnson’s lampooning in stride, but they will be grateful that their daughter is spared.

“They’ve always had an amazing ability to take all this kind of (satirical) stuff and keep moving,” said spokesman Jeff Eller. “But I’m sure they’ll be pleased that Chelsea is not going to be exploited.”

The first edition of Slick Times has such wit as: “What has 100 legs and no teeth?” Answer: “The front row at an Arkansas political rally.”

Also included will be a column by “Jeb Blythe” on “My Cuzin’ the President,” a “letter” to the editor from Woody Allen (“I don’t get it. What’s all the fuss about Bill Clinton’s character?”), and Hillary’s Household Hints.

The idea of a satirical watchdog on the White House is not new. The Quayle Quarterly heaped scorn by the column inch on Vice President Dan Quayle for four years and even made some money for its Connecticut proprietors.

Slick Times will doubtless have competitors in targeting the Clintons (a New England entrepreneur has begun The Hillary Clinton Quarterly), but Johnson figures that his publishing experience and fast start will gain Slick Times a niche in the market. The first press run will be about 20,000.

The magazine will cost $17 a year and come with “Subscriber Impeachment Insurance”: If Clinton is booted from office, you get your money back.