It’s Better to Be Bad Than No. 2

It has long been forwarded, probably first by someone living in Denver, that the worst thing that can happen to a football team is losing the Super Bowl.

In case anyone needed reminding, the city of Buffalo Tuesday canceled its welcome-home rally for the Bills, at the request of the Bills.

“The Super Bowl itself was anticlimactic enough,” Bills quarterback Frank Reich said. “The rally would have dragged out the misery that much longer.”

Anticlimactic.

Misery.

Can’t bear to look our fans in the face.

This is coming from a team that became only the second franchise in NFL history to appear in three consecutive Super Bowls, a team that has won more games over the last four seasons than any team in professional football.

But the Bills are 0-3 on the last Sunday in January, and that’s an offense 100 times more grievous than any loss on any Sunday in September, October, November or December.

In the NFL, it is better to be bad, even godawful bad, even Seattle Seahawk bad, than it is to be No. 2.

Think about it.

If you lose all your games, maybe you wind up in a few Jay Leno monologues, but you also get to select the best college football player in the country.

If you lose half your games, you’re a long-forgotten obscurity by the first of February and you get to conduct mini-camp without first hanging black crepe paper on the goal posts.

If you lose the conference championship game, you’re close, you’re one step away--and you’re motivated to do whatever it takes to grab hold of the final rung.

But if you lose the Super Bowl, every piece of your dirty laundry is out there flapping in front of a billion television screens. Kids in Moscow snicker at the mention of your name. Parents in China scold their children at the dinner table: “Eat all the poached seaweed on your plate. Think of all the poor little boys and girls in Buffalo.”

Lose as badly as the Bills did and it’s an international catastrophe. As if Buffalo already didn’t have enough image problems. Cleveland is breathing easier today. In Anaheim, at least the sun is shining. What does the Buffalo Chamber of Commerce do now? Print up travel brochures with the slogan, “We Have A Lot of Snow, But If You Don’t Count The Bills, We Never Have Any Avalanches”?

If you are a Buffalo Bill today, how are you planning to psyche yourself into getting out of bed tomorrow?

“Maybe Bill Polian will trade me to Dallas.”

“Maybe the Sabres will get blown out of the Stanley Cup finals.”

“Maybe we ought to go back to two more Super Bowls, lose to Philadelphia and Phoenix, and complete the whole tour of the NFC East.”

Look around the NFL this morning. Try to find a franchise in worse condition than the Bills.

New England? The Patriots have Bill Parcells, plus the No. 1 draft choice, plus a truckload of New York Giant free agents already idling in the driveway, awaiting clearance to Foxboro.

Seattle? If the Seahawks don’t draft local hero Drew Bledsoe, they can have Rick Mirer or Garrison Hearst.

Tampa Bay? Nowhere to go but up.

The Rams? Georgia Frontiere’s checkbook is the limit.

The Raiders? Have you heard the Steve Young rumors?

The Bills, by virtue of their Super Bowl appearance, will draft 27th, just ahead of Dallas, which means getting either a punt returner or some project on the offensive line. As one of the last four teams remaining in the playoffs, they are unable to sign a free agent unless they lose one, thanks to that wonderful line of small print in the league’s new labor agreement.

They are trapped, both by their success and their failure.

What does Bill Polian do, tear up the AFC’s most dominant team since the Bradshaw Steelers? Does he trade Jim Kelly, Thurman Thomas, Bruce Smith?

If he does, who does he get who’s any better?

If he doesn’t, how can he afford to stand pat, or even fine-tune?

Another nickel back and a new tight end aren’t going to close a 35-point gap on the Cowboys.

A more salient question is why, at this point, would Polian--or anybody else drawing Ralph Wilson’s paychecks--even want to go back to the Super Bowl?

Dallas isn’t going to get anything but better. San Francisco went 15-3. Chicago now has Dave Wannstedt, who organized a defense that forced nine Buffalo turnovers in Pasadena. Minnesota just needs a quarterback, and Steve Beuerlein is available.

What’s the incentive for Buffalo now?

To go back and keep the score under 50?

The only thing left for Buffalo to do is to step aside, the way Denver did after 49ers 55, Broncos 10. Send the nervous breakdown south, to San Diego or Houston or Miami. Let someone else play Washington Generals to the NFC champions.

The worst thing that can happen to a football team should never be allowed to happen to the same football team four years in a row.