Is Tournament Tops? Let’s Count the Ways

Sixty-four reasons why the NCAA basketball tournament continues to reign as the greatest sporting spectacle in the land:

1. It’s not baseball.

2. No such thing as the Poulan Weedeater Southeast Sub-Regional.

3. Maximum of six chances to root against Bob Knight.

4. Office pools. Anyone can enter, even normal people, unlike Rotisserie baseball.

5. To get an extension here, Jim Harrick will have to earn it.

6. Cal State Long Beach, the neglected orphan of Southern California college basketball (better team than UCLA, smaller following than UC Irvine), gets to play on national TV.

7. Has participating teams named the Quakers, the Chanticleers, the Moccasins and the Purple Aces.

8. Has no participating teams named the Mighty Ducks.

9. Fifteen years ago, Cal State Fullerton missed the Final Four by one jump shot. Think about that.

10. Jack Kent Cooke has nothing to do with it.

11. Coaches, not recruiters, win national championships. John Wooden won 10. Dale Brown has won zero.

12. Here, “sleepers” and “floaters” are not $5-million outfielders who hit .231 and refuse to run out ground balls.

13. Duke, a school where players actually attend class, do their own homework and receive degrees, has won the last two championships.

14. Always a dangerous seed. In every tournament since 1986, at least one No. 14 has knocked off a No. 3 during the first weekend.

15. From first subregional to championship final, the tournament lasts 19 days--or, not quite as long as the first round of the NHL playoffs.

16. Two days between semifinals and final, not two weeks.

17. Dean Smith has won it only once, conclusive proof that the 11th Commandment does indeed read, “Thou shalt allow thy players to play.”

18. Syracuse is ineligible this year.

19. Note to Scott Norwood: In last year’s final, Bobby Hurley missed nine field-goal attempts and was declared a hero.

20. Eligibility restricted to Riders that attend class and only those Riders.

21. Here, “March Madness” has nothing to do with the Angels’ bullpen.

22. Ervin Johnson, a 6-11 senior who never played in high school and had to beg Coach Tim Floyd for a tryout, now leads New Orleans into the tournament with a 26-3 record.

23. That’s because Karl Malone has yet to refuse him permission.

24. Only 64 of 298 teams qualify. That’s 22%. By contrast, 16 of 24 NHL teams qualify for the Stanley Cup tournament. That’s 67%.

25. When Minnesota has a disappointing season, the team moves to the NIT, not Dallas.

26. Reaching this tournament is a reward, not a punishment. Would USC have complained had it been “forced” to play Fresno State in a first-round game in Tucson?

27. Reaching this tournament is a reward, Part II: Steve Fisher went from interim to permanent head coach at Michigan by winning the tournament in 1989.

28. Reaching this tournament is a reward, Part III: Todd Bozeman went from interim to permanent head coach at Cal by making the tournament in 1993.

29. Rhode Island is in.

30. Georgetown is out.

31. Press conferences with Bob Knight still preferable to press conferences with Minnie Mouse.

32. The first Thursday and Friday. Sixteen games each day, with CBS cameras at all of them. When ESPN had the contract, switching as it would from game to game, site to site, morning to midnight, it was the closest thing on Earth to hoop nirvana.

33. Lose once and you’re gone. Players tend to stay focused.

34. Winnipeg could conceivably host a Stanley Cup final, but it will never host a Final Four.

35. Games generally scheduled so that pre-high schoolers can actually watch their favorite team win, instead of reading about it the next morning at breakfast.

36. Bobby Hurley. Could be the least imposing physical specimen in the tournament, could be the most dominant player in the tournament.

37. Chris Tower. Cal State Long Beach center has a broken foot, still played against Illinois Thursday, still scored 17 points.

38. No one has ever backed into an NCAA basketball title. That explains UCLA’s recent tournament record.

39. No one has ever griped his way into an NCAA basketball title. That explains Lute Olson’s recent tournament record.

40. The older it gets, the more discriminating it becomes. Nevada Las Vegas, for instance, hasn’t qualified since 1991.

41. Villanova 66, Georgetown 64, 1985 championship final.

42. North Carolina State 54, Houston 52, 1983 championship final.

43. California is here, largely because it declined NYU’s offer of a 1993-94 parking pass, a freshman stat girl and three biology textbooks for Jason Kidd.

44. Billy McCaffrey. Making the Final Four with Duke was no challenge at all. So now he’s trying it with Vanderbilt.

45. This Cincinnati team has Nick Van Exel. The other one has Marge Schott.

46. Nine college kids crammed into a VW bus, fueled by Cheetos, Coke and Soul Asylum in the tape deck, trekking 500 miles to watch their team tackle a No. 2 seed in the first round.

47. So much noise, craziness and confusion that Dick Vitale almost blends into the scenery.

48. Spring training getting so boring right about now, baseball players overjoyed to have diversion.

49. Only tournament with Adonis Jordan, Dunkley Spencer and Ron (Fang) Mitchell.

50. North Carolina, East Carolina and Coastal Carolina made it.

51. South Carolina didn’t, which is why South Carolina is trying to hire Bobby Cremins.

52. Anfernee (“I’m The Next Magic Johnson”) Hardaway proved not to be by Western Kentucky.

53. Buffalo Bills were not invited.

54. Cleveland State, Middle Tennessee State, New Mexico State and all the one-weekend wonders who annually turn your office pool into a state of chaos.

55. Richmond isn’t here this year, but the Spiders’ legacy--upsets over Auburn in ‘84, Indiana in ’88 and Syracuse in ‘91--continues to inspire every team seeded 16th in the field.

56. “The Final Four.” Hockey calls its version the “Prince of Wales and Clarence Campbell Conference Best-of-Seven Championship Series.”

57. The Final Four in New Orleans--the ultimate in spring breaks.

58. No designated hitter.

59. Unlike pro football, championship game is occasionally close.

60. Unlike major league baseball, championship game doesn’t last four hours.

61. Unlike pro basketball, championship game requires at least one strategic move by each coach.

62. Unlike pro hockey, Americans actually care who wins championship game.

63. Fifty weeks have passed and everyone in Kentucky is still talking about Christian Laettner’s shot at the buzzer.

64. Two weeks more and Rick Pitino gets the chance to get it right. Kentucky 82, Duke 78 on Monday night, April 5.