Flying Thieves Make Off With Flying Dinner

After four months at sea alone, the struggle is beginning to tell as the one-man boats finish the Vendee Globe race in France. Boats are battered, sails worn and torn, spirits low.

Nandor Fa, still 1,835 miles away, said by radio: “The boat is just like me, very tired. I even have a bottle of whiskey left, but I don’t want to drink any. I feel too weak to be able to stand it.”

Joe De Ugarte, 2,757 miles away, said: “Every morning I walk around the boat to collect the flying fish that have fallen on the deck during the night. This morning there was enough to make a delicious meal. I left them at the back of the boat and went inside to fetch something, and when I came back the cormorants had already stolen the meal that had made my mouth water. I insulted them as much as I could.”

Straight up: Fly, the Sporting News’ caustic commentator, nominates this for a dream trade: Dennis Rodman for Rickey Henderson.

Trivia time: Only two players have won the Masters in successive years. Who are they?

Attention, UCLA fans: Jim O’Brien will remain the basketball coach at Dayton, even though the Flyers won only four games this season.

“Jim O’Brien is our head coach, period,” Athletic Director Ted Kissell said. “We’re looking forward to a great season and a great turnaround. And that’s that.”

Wedded bliss: Gary Player has used the same putter since 1967. Asked how much it meant to him, the South African Hall of Fame golfer said: “It’s a marriage. If I had to choose between my wife and my putter, well, I’d miss her.”

Rockie rooters: The fans are the first thing you notice about the Colorado Rockies.

“They’re psycho,” outfielder Dante Bichette told Ken Rosenthal of the Baltimore Sun. “They’re football fans. I wouldn’t be surprised to see them painting their faces opening day.”

The rumpled look: Former coach Mike Ditka on fellow TV announcer and former coach John Madden: “He’s one man who didn’t let success go to his clothes.”

Never give up: The late J.D. McDuffie started 653 NASCAR Winston Cup races without ever getting the checkered flag.

TV critique: Comedian Jeff Cesario, often seen on “The Tonight Show” and “Late Night with David Letterman,” doesn’t think much of golf on TV.

“Who watches golf on TV?” he was quoted in the Minneapolis Star Tribune. “Who calls eight friends over and gets a keg of beer? Landscapers, I guess. They sit around the TV, yelling, ‘Will you look at that golf path! Pure pea gravel! Vince, get in here and check this out.’ ”

Trivia answer: Jack Nicklaus, 1965-66, and Nick Faldo, 1989-90.

Quotebook: High school basketball Coach Kevin Smith after his Whiteland, Ind., team had lost by 27 points to Franklin Central: “Sometimes you’re the bug, sometimes you’re the windshield. I’ll leave it to you to decide which we were.”