Decaf or Unleaded?

We always thought coffee houses were havens for intellectual pursuits and a good cup of espresso--until we got this press release: “Kafe Kafka is announcing a delicious art performance gourmet event, a daring Harley-Davidson motorcycle race through the restaurant.” We almost dropped our mug of freeze-dried decaf with Mocha Mix when we read it.

But sure enough, today at 3 p.m. at this Hollywood coffeehouse on Sunset Boulevard, there’s going to be a motorcycle race. The course goes straight through the restaurant, and riders must pause in the dining room to consume a “decadent 23-karat gold cake.”

We can see it now: An unsuspecting java junkie is sitting in the cafe, sipping a cappuccino and reading poetry, when all of a sudden he hears the roar of an engine, looks up and screams: “Oh my God . . . it’s a Harley!” and dives out of the way.

Actually, it won’t be that perilous. Tables and chairs will be cleared from the room, and sandbags will be on the floor to protect spectators’ feet. Those wishing to hop on their hogs and ride must complete a registration form, available from 2 to 3 p.m. today.

My Cup Runneth Over

And speaking of coffee, Social Climes found this item for true connoisseur/addicts: The Camp Espresso Maker. Need your fix while hiking? This is the ticket. The Early Winters catalogue offers a small aluminum contraption that fits over a camp stove, for a mere $16.50. “Here in the Northwest,” reads the description, “we consider espresso a divine right, along with life, liberty and the pursuit of fun. So when we discovered the Camp Espresso Maker, we fell to our knees and thanked the Java Jive gods for our bountiful harvest.”

Now if they could just come up with a device to make those fussy croissants over a campfire . . .

Elvis Fan Loves Every Note

Would somebody please explain the Elvis thing to us? It seems that those new stamps will not appease some of The King’s fans. Now we hear an out-of-state Elvis fan just bought out the inventory of four Presley-penned personal notes at the Kenneth W. Rendell Gallery on North Beverly Drive. (Sorry, the gallery can’t say who, but we can say for sure that it’s not the big guy in the Oval Office.) The sticker price? In the low four figures per autograph. We understand that now the gallery is scrambling to find more Elvis John Hancocks to include in a sale starting May 4 entitled “Bach to the Beatles,” which will encompass documents, manuscripts, autographs, or just plain anything written or signed by a famous musician.