TELEVISION : Your Shows of Shows : Take one man, one wide-open schedule, every prime-time network series ever made. The result? TV’s ultimate dream team

Sue me. Call it a fool’s mission or, more likely, an invitation to a hanging. But this is my all-time, prime-time network television schedule.

Go ahead--fire when ready. I made it up all by myself. It’s one of those dream-team lineups that all serious couch potatoes fantasize about. With ABC, CBS, NBC and Fox TV about to announce their new fall schedules this month, I decided to sweat one out too. It ain’t easy.

But just by flipping through my TV program encyclopedias from A to Z, it was an education to be reminded how thin the pickings are on the major networks these days, why they’re slipping, what we’ve lost--and, yes, what we’ve gained in some cases, especially in the more textured, adult weekly drama series of recent years: from “Hill Street Blues” and “L.A. Law” to “Northern Exposure” and “thirtysomething,” to “Cagney & Lacey,” “St. Elsewhere,” “Lou Grant,” “Family,” “I’ll Fly Away,” “China Beach” and even the wonderfully perverse, if maddening, “Twin Peaks.”

Hold the tomatoes. Of course , television of the distant past has had numerous adult drama series that delved into complex human relationships, from the magnificent morality tales of the wisest of Westerns, “Gunsmoke,” to “Naked City,” “The Waltons,” “Star Trek” and “The Defenders”--not to mention the historic anthologies, from “Playhouse 90” to “The Twilight Zone.”

But the lifting of TV taboos on such matters as language, subject material and sexuality, while decried by some viewers and advocacy groups, has opened the door for a contemporary weekly series reality that those creators restricted in the medium’s earlier years could only envy.

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OK, now the criteria for my schedule selection. It’s totally arbitrary, totally personal. It doesn’t claim to be all of the best shows ever made. That’s an impossible task because there are only 22 hours in prime time to fill. Anyway, just stuffing in all the most popular shows doesn’t necessarily make the best lineup. I was looking for diversity--a blend of comedy, drama, variety and news that, at least in my mind, would jell as a package.

I chose about 80 series from the encyclopedias, and the worst task was winnowing away, knowing you’d only get maybe 30 or 35 on the schedule and incur the wrath of your friends and family as they screamed, “How could you leave out ‘The Rockford Files’ and ‘Murphy Brown’ and put in ‘thirtysomething’?” Fair question. That’s why I thought of blowing town as I tried to figure how to squeeze in everything I wanted.

I couldn’t. I wound up with 31 shows--and you could create a great lineup from the 50 others. But at least I didn’t have to worry about ratings; I think I’d do all right on some nights and get clobbered on others. Most action and detective shows don’t do much for me, so there went a bunch of rating points. Still, I really wanted to get in a couple of shows I loved--”Miami Vice” and “Moonlighting”--but couldn’t justify it because they fizzled too quickly after brilliant starts.

I began dreaming fondly of when prime time lasted from 7 to 11 p.m., the way it is only on Sundays now. (“Kukla, Fran & Ollie” and “Lassie,” for instance, used to air from 7 to 7:30.) That would give me six more hours of programs and make life easier. Fortunately, however, I was sticking just to the networks, or else such programs as HBO’s “The Larry Sanders Show,” PBS’ “Masterpiece Theatre” and the syndicated series “The Muppet Show” would have to be added to the list because they belong on any all-star TV lineup.

All this said, I have to admit that I like my dream team. One of the things I noticed when I finished was that many of the programs, from “MASH” to “Hill Street Blues,” have an edgy quality that appeals to me; and they generally don’t overdose on gushing sentimentality, certainly a plus in my view. The shows also, for the most part, achieved an amazing consistency of quality for the length of their runs. Even “L.A. Law,” which lost much of its magic in the last few seasons, was, to me, wonderful enough for long enough to justify inclusion.

I didn’t set out to make a balanced lineup from different decades to appease anybody. You’ll find “Northern Exposure” and “The Simpsons,” as well as Edward R. Murrow’s “See It Now” and the Sid Caesar-Imogene Coca “Your Show of Shows,” not to mention “Cheers” and “Columbo.” I started writing about television in 1962, and some of the series in my lineup that aired before that year were simply programs I enjoyed as a viewer.

But unlike some TV executives who think that the world was a void before 1980, I have no doubt that these shows are as good now as they were then. As the networks try to come up with similarly great programs today, they should be so lucky.

In rummaging through the A to Z of prime-time series, past and present, there are disturbing reminders of the kind of weekly programming no longer welcome on the traditional networks. “Playhouse 90” and “The Twilight Zone,” for instance, are on my schedule, but the anthology form that they practiced has rarely surfaced in recent years, becoming the snickered-at “A” word to some television executives.

“The Twilight Zone,” of course, wasn’t your standard anthology, because it had a mesmerizing star personality in creator-host Rod Serling linking the notable shows each week, thus in a way filling the role of the running characters that networks prefer to retain viewer loyalty to programs.

But there is nothing comparable in ambition or stature to “Playhouse 90,” which ran from 1956 to 1961 and produced such classics as “Requiem for a Heavyweight,” “The Miracle Worker,” “The Plot to Kill Stalin,” “The Days of Wine and Roses” and “Judgment at Nuremberg.” (Among the occasional attempts to take another stab at prime-time network anthology is this spring’s “Tribeca,” co-produced by Robert De Niro for Fox TV. Its ratings have been awful.)

Most disturbing of all, however, in perusing TV’s program history is the back-of-the-hand treatment given to such minorities as blacks, Latinos, Asian-Americans and American Indians. The overwhelmingly white-bread flavor of most of the shows hits you right between the eyes. Only blacks have really advanced in significant TV representation in recent years; but serious, realistic, dramatic depictions of black family life have remained all but invisible.

Reading about programs and noting the concepts that no longer have a place on network TV, I was also reminded with a start that “What’s My Line?”--an urbane game show aimed at discovering contestants’ unusual occupations--ran for 17 years in the same time slot on CBS (10:30 to 11 p.m. on Sundays).

I don’t particularly care for game shows, but this was more than that--a nightcap setting for often witty and adult repartee, a conversation format that would be laughed out of network offices nowadays. (It was on this series, by the way, that Steve Allen, one of the panelists, coined the ultimate parlor-game question: “Is it bigger than a breadbox?”)

When it came to sophisticated, real-life, adult conversation in network prime time, “The Jack Paar Program” was perhaps the standard and exemplifies the TV-talk civility that is missing in the age of Geraldo.

Most longtime television viewers remember Paar best as the host of “The Tonight Show” who preceded Johnny Carson. But Paar, an elegant, emotional, electric and disarming personality, then launched his weekly, one-hour, prime-time series--a mix of home movies and travel with his wife and daughter, comedy and high-style chitchat with such performers as Jonathan Winters, musical bits and even visits from such public figures as Richard Nixon, who played the piano.

At his best moments in this series, which were many, Paar showed a remarkable growth, progressing from comedian to social diarist with the kind of personal, rarefied network series that is gone, simply gone.

The network guys always like to explain how and why they programmed their individual nights of prime time, so I guess I’ll do the same, sort of.

On Mondays, “Laugh-In” remains a comedy classic and is a killer start to the night. “I Love Lucy” follows, which makes for some heavy-duty belly laughs in these back-to-back all-time hits. Another great comedy, “MASH,” follows at 9:30. It may not be the perfect lead-out for “Lucy,” but it can stand on its own anywhere. And what I like is that its sardonic, softer humor makes for a perfect transition into “Northern Exposure.”

On Tuesdays, I’m gambling and pairing “The Simpsons” and “The Honeymooners” to open the night, even though they’re generations apart. I think there’s a rowdy family synergy here, and there’s a broad cartoon flavor to “The Honeymooners” as well.

There’s also a kind of gritty proletarian unity to my Tuesday comedies--from “The Simpsons” and “The Honeymooners” to “Barney Miller” and “Taxi.” Homer Simpson is a working stiff. So is Ralph Kramden, a bus driver in “The Honeymooners.” “Barney Miller” is about cops, and “Taxi” is about cabbies.

“Taxi” also has a solid contemporary flavor that helps set up the night’s drama series, “thirtysomething.”

Wednesdays are simple: three memorable series that have withstood the test of time and provide a well-rounded night of drama (“Gunsmoke”), comedy (“The Steve Allen Show”) and news (“CBS Reports”).

“Gunsmoke” ranks with the best of all TV dramas with its blend of substantial themes, ensemble acting, human interplay, flat-out action and finely honed writing. It played as both an hour and a half-hour; I prefer the hour version, which was vastly superior because of the time to spread out generously and do justice to all its characters.

“The Steve Allen Show” was comedy mayhem of a high order. The best segments of the series were the regular interviews with an incredible collection of performers--Don Knotts as the nervous Mr. Morrison; Louis Nye as the smarmy Gordon Hathaway; Tom Poston as a fellow who couldn’t remember his name; Bill Dana as Jose Jimenez, and Pat Harrington as an Italian golf pro named Guido Panzini. Other highlights of the weekly hour included such Allen features as “The Question Man.”

As for “CBS Reports,” it grew out of Murrow’s “See It Now” and, with that series, came to represent the best in another area of historic TV that has gone by the wayside, the network documentary. These documentaries, a rock upon which viewer trust was built, have been totally replaced by newsmagazines and, now, suspect reality series. There are no reality series on my dream team.

On Thursdays, we’re in terrific shape even though I slipped in a fast one. “The Cosby Show” puts us in business right off the bat and leads into another winner with a well-loved star, “The Dick Van Dyke Show.” Van Dyke naturally goes through the roof in the ratings following Cosby. And next comes “Cheers” to make for an extraordinary opening 90 minutes of popular television.

That was easy. But then I pull my fast one: “The Days and Nights of Molly Dodd.” I know, I know--it was only on NBC a brief time before getting bounced and moving to Lifetime cable. But the network time qualifies it, and I wouldn’t dream of an all-star lineup without “Molly Dodd,” a pretty wondrous little human comedy with Blair Brown as a quirky, divorced woman trying to make a go of it in New York.

As I say, sue me. Every couch potato has a fantasy, and I think it would be just swell to have “Molly Dodd” leading into “Hill Street Blues.”

OK--Fridays. “The Twilight Zone” is so well known to viewers of all generations because of annual TV marathons and other reruns--and the simple magic of the title--that it is an ideal family opener. So maybe it wouldn’t get the 4-year-olds. Who cares? This is my schedule. I don’t program for 4-year-olds.

Next comes “The Ernie Kovacs Show,” a kind of twilight zone of comedy and therefore a perfect fit. With the genius of Serling, a groundbreaker in TV drama, leading into the genius of Kovacs, a groundbreaker in TV comedy and perhaps the most brilliant innovator the medium has ever known, this is an hour of event television for discerning viewers. Kovacs, whose programs recently have been showcased again on the Comedy Central cable network, also did hour and half-hour broadcasts, but the half-hour seems right for my lineup.

As an entry of high-style wit, the Kovacs series provides a bridge into two of the grand classics of straightaway situation comedy, “The Jack Benny Show” and “The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show,” which also have made their way to the present through reruns and cable. And concluding the night is “L.A. Law,” which is more contemporary but, at its best, has enough self-sustaining strength and enough humor mixed in with its drama to take the transition in stride.

On Saturdays, “All in the Family” leads off the night and, as always, will entertain everyone and destroy all competition. However, I expect some raised eyebrows for the comedy that follows, “Newhart.” Some viewers probably prefer the star’s earlier program, “The Bob Newhart Show”--but in any case, he belongs on the dream team, and I just liked him best in his sly, homey role as the owner of a New England inn. It’s strictly a personal call.

The next two hours are merely sensational. There’s “The Mary Tyler Moore Show,” with a recent revival on Nick at Nite cable illustrating again why it is so enduring.

And finally, there is the historic, 90-minute “Your Show of Shows,” which is one of TV’s most sublime comedy achievements but needs some explanation to those who don’t remember it because, after all, it was broadcast from 1950 to 1954.

“Your Show of Shows” not only displayed the unmatchable talents of Caesar and Coca, supported by Carl Reiner and Howard Morris, but also was crafted by a staff of writers that included Mel Brooks, Neil Simon, Larry Gelbart, Woody Allen, Lucille Kallen and Mel Tolkin. It was a Saturday night live series that many think has never been equaled.

And I can’t imagine an all-time, prime-time TV schedule that isn’t anchored on Saturday by “Your Show of Shows.”

Finally--Sundays. And first up is--what else?--”60 Minutes.” As it happens, all three of the news series in my weekly lineup are from CBS, which paved the way in television journalism, starting with Murrow. And although “60 Minutes” is vastly different in tone from “See It Now” and “CBS Reports,” there is a link. Don Hewitt, the boss of “60 Minutes” during its quarter-century on the air, was the director of “See It Now.”

Following “60 Minutes” on Sundays is--what else?--”The Ed Sullivan Show,” a variety institution that ran almost as long as the news series, and on the same night and network.

I actually toyed with the unthinkable--dropping the Sullivan series because, to tell the truth, it was often as boring as it was entertaining. I mean, how many acrobats can you watch? But there was a kind of magic, a stardust, about the series--for performers, it was truly like playing the Palace--and there was something hypnotic about watching a host who couldn’t sing, couldn’t dance, couldn’t do comedy, committed breathtaking verbal gaffes, and yet instinctively knew the ingredients for putting on a hell of a show that radiated pure power.

“60 Minutes” and Sullivan are money in the bank--a tandem made in TV heaven--and they’ll also help retain viewers for what I think are a distinguished two hours that wind up the evening. Immediately following Sullivan, my lineup offers a 90-minute “Sunday Night Theatre,” in which “Playhouse 90” and “Columbo,” the best TV detective series ever made, will alternate.

And the night, and week, then end with the half-hour “See It Now” giving us some food for thought before we head back to work the next day.

A good week of TV, I think. No, a great week.

Final thoughts on our search for the TV grail:

The worst things in TV today are obvious: Local news. Reality shows. The cross-dressing of news and entertainment. Smutty content. The dumbing-down of the networks as smart viewers head for the smart TV of cable, videos and new technology, leaving ABC, CBS, NBC and Fox with the ultimate lowest-common-denominator audience.

But the best thing in TV today, I realized again while scouring around for my shows, is the panorama of our times that we’re privy to, as never before, because of the explosion of channels. In a minor way, classic TV shows are part of this panorama, and all generations can share memorable pop culture and social values of the past and present. Most of the shows on my schedule are accessible somewhere on TV today, and the others pop up from time to time or can be sought out on videos.

Compare the attitudes toward sex and family life in “thirtysomething” and “The Honeymooners”--or in “I Love Lucy” and “Molly Dodd.” Look at the cops in “Dragnet” and then look at the ones in “Hill Street Blues.” The attorneys in “Perry Mason” and “L.A. Law” clearly went to different graduate schools.

But it’s all of a piece, all part of the bigger picture, as you zap around and through the endless information and tidbits and TV shows that now give us a chance to see how we dressed and acted and thought from way back when right up to today. If the TV audience is fragmented by all the new channels, those same channels provide a kind of unifying force through this ongoing, around-the-clock, shared experience of the way we were and are.

All right, down from the ivory tower. Ozzie and Harriet never meant it to be like this--but, you know, they’re part of it. What if “The Simpsons” moved in next door? Or Archie Bunker? On the other hand, I think the folks in “Gunsmoke” and “Northern Exposure” would get along just fine--which is why these two shows with eternal and universal values are on my schedule.

The dream team: “Sock it to me” . . . “Oh, just one more thing, sir” . . . “Don’t have a cow, man!” . . . “One of these days, Alice” . . . “Be careful out there” . . . “Good night, and good luck.”

For those TV buffs who want to fantasize dream lineups of their own or just meander through program history, there are some excellent reference books, including “The Complete Directory to Prime Time Network TV Shows,” by Tim Brooks and Earle Marsh, and “Total Television,” by Alex McNeil.

If Prime Time Lasted 24 Hours . . .

So you have your own ideas of what shows should be in an all-star TV lineup. And no wonder, with nearly half a century of series to choose from. Well, we have a little list--actually, 25 other contenders, in alphabetical order--that may include some of them. Read on:

“The Andy Griffith Show”

“Cagney & Lacey”

“The Carol Burnett Show”

“China Beach”

“The Defenders”

“Father Knows Best”

“The Flip Wilson Show”

“The Golden Girls”

“The Jack Paar Program”

“Lou Grant”

“The Milton Berle Show”

“Mission: Impossible”

“Mork & Mindy”

“Murder, She Wrote”

“Murphy Brown”

“Naked City”

“Perry Mason”

“The Rockford Files”

“Roseanne”

“St. Elsewhere”

“The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour”

“Star Trek”

“The Untouchables”

“The Waltons”

“The Wonder Years”

22 Hours, 31 Programs, No Zapper Required * Monday

8-9: Laugh-In

9-9:30: I Love Lucy

9:30-10: M*A*S*H*

10-11: Northern Exposure * Tuesday

8-8:30: The Simpsons

8:30-9: The Honeymooners

9-9:30: Barney Miller

9:30-10: Taxi

10-11: thirtysomething * Wednesday

8-9: Gunsmoke

9-10: The Steve Allen Show

10-11: CBS Reports * Thursday

8-8:30: The Cosby Show

8:30-9: The Dick Van Dyke Show

9-9:30: Cheers

9:30-10: The Days and Nights of Molly Dodd

10-11: Hill Street Blues * Friday

8-8:30: The Twilight Zone

8:30-9: The Ernie Kovacs Show

9-9:30: The Jack Benny Show

9:30-10: The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show

10-11: L.A. Law * Saturday

8-8:30: All in the Family

8:30-9: Newhart

9-9:30: The Mary Tyler Moore Show

9:30-11: Your Show of Shows * Sunday

7-8: 60 Minutes

8-9: The Ed Sullivan Show

9-10:30: Sunday Night Theatre: (alternating) Playhouse 90 / Columbo

10:30-11: See It Now