Eastern Series Proves Ugliness Is in Swollen Eye of Beholder

Some views on the Chicago Bull-New York Knick playoff series from Bernie Lincicome of the Chicago Tribune:

“This is bigger than basketball. This seems more like some urgent moral melodrama, decent folks standing up to sewer rats, which, of course, it clearly is.

“I really think John Starks should have to pass through a metal detector at half court.”

Add series: From Mike Lupica of the New York Daily News: “(The Knicks) are not the basketball terrorists the Bulls want us to believe they are, of course. There was so much whining in Chicago last time, you started to think the Knicks were roughing up nuns instead of basketball players.

“The Knicks will smack you around, though, enjoying themselves thoroughly.”

Trivia time: The Birmingham Vulcans, Philadelphia Bell, Chicago Wind, San Antonio Wings and Shreveport Steamers were sports franchises. Can you identify the league?

Put it in writing: From Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle: “Marge Schott says she might not return to baseball after serving her suspension. There’s never a notary public around when you really need one.”

Mr. One-Liner: Jim Muldoon, assistant commissioner of the Pacific 10 Conference, attended a recent banquet, which featured speaker Al McGuire, who had some microphone problems.

McGuire kept his cool and said, “I’ve worked with more dead mikes than an Irish undertaker.”

Add McGuire: “The only mystery in life is why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.”

For the record: Jon Kroll, segment producer for “Stuntmasters,” writes that Eddie Kidd’s claim of a world record of jumping over 10 buses with his motorcycle in China is bogus.

The real record-holder, Kroll says, is motorcyclist Doug (Danger) Senecal of Palmer, Mass., who jumped over 14 buses in 1985.

Noisy newsman: Edvins Beitiks of the San Francisco Examiner writes with sound effects. A recent sampling:

“The Giants opened the front door for the Cincinnati Reds, while behind them you could still hear the sound of the Houston Astros bouncing down the backstairs (‘Ow! Whoa! Ouch! Yow!’)”

Sure, he did: In a recent Sports Illustrated article, Buffalo Bill wide receiver Don Beebe is credited with a time of 4.3 seconds for 40 yards while in street clothes and barefoot.

Bob Hayes, a former world 100-meter record-holder and Olympic champion, never ran faster than 4.3. Obviously, Beebe is ready to take on Carl Lewis.

Not so dizzy: From the book “Baseball Anecdotes”: When pitcher Paul Dean joined his famous brother, Dizzy, with the St. Louis Cardinals in 1934, Dizzy predicted that he and Paul would win 45-50 games.

Asked how many he would win on his own, Dizzy said: “Why, all the games that Paul don’t.”

Dizzy’s prediction was solid. They won 49 games between them, 19 by Paul.

Trivia answer: The World Football League of the 1970s.

Quotebook: Philadelphia Phillie pitcher Mitch Williams, on whether he considers John Kruk a team leader: “Krukie doesn’t lead anything but the stampede to the buffet table.”