Madonna Meets Mike Myers

“I don’t watch TV. I wasn’t allowed to as a child. My father thought it was going to rot our brains. He forced us to read instead, and I’m glad he did. There aren’t that many people in this town who know who Balzac and Steinbeck are.”

So says Madonna to Mike Myers in the coming issue of Interview magazine. Myers, of “Saturday Night Live” and “Wayne’s World” fame, interviews the Big M--and the results are fascinating and funny. She is far more interesting joking with Myers than she is dripping candle wax on Willem Dafoe. Particularly amusing is Madonna’s stated idea to remake “Some Like It Hot” with Myers and Dana Carvey as the two musicians on the lam in an all-girl band, Sharon Stone in the Marilyn Monroe role, and Madonna herself playing the tough lady bandleader: “Only I want to change it slightly. I’m going to fire the Marilyn Monroe character for being unprofessional, and then we’ll see what develops from there!”

Other Madonna tidbits from this Q&A--the; star says, “I think that everyone should be married at least once, so you can see what a silly, outdated institution it is!” . . . Madonna says she hardly ever pays to see a movie: “I just go and grovel to, like, the manager, and say, ‘Please, don’t make me wait in line, people are staring at me,’ and then they let me in.” . . . Her favorite candy is Charms Blow Pops . . . and Madonna insists that interviews and reviews “are more about the writer than what they are reviewing. They’re Rorschach tests!” . . .

It’s been so long since we’ve had a major Madonna story that people have actually stopped accusing us of being on the star’s payroll. This will never do! So here’s something major. In the fall, Madonna embarks on a world tour. She will take her sure-to-be-outrageous act to Japan, China, South America, Australia and--if she’s feeling generous--Europe and the United States.

Getting wind of this, I put in a call to Madonna’s press woman, the doyenne of Warner Records PR, Liz Rosenberg. For once, the voluble Liz was closemouthed. Liz S.: “So I hear Madonna is going on tour?” Liz R.: “Oh, really?” Liz S.: “Yes, is it true?” Liz R.: “Well, that’s hard to say . . . anything’s possible.” Liz S.: “I know anything’s possible, but I’m not asking about a nuclear meltdown. Can’t you give me a hint?” Liz R.: “Madonna has many plans, many ideas,” said Liz, sounding a bit like a Gypsy fortuneteller. “Touring, of course, is always being discussed . . . Madonna loves to perform, you know.” Liz S.: “Yes, I know she loves to perform--but is she going to tour?”

After a few minutes of this, I rang off. Obviously Liz can’t talk. But others can: “This is going to be different,” my next source said. “It’s going to be fun! . . . Madonna is a workaholic perfectionist--and while that’s great for her, in terms of her work, it’s not always easy to be around, particularly under the stress of a grueling tour. Blonde Ambition was a huge success, but it was costly in terms of everybody’s nerves. This time, the people around her--and even Madonna herself--are determined to make this tour a more positive behind-the-scenes experience.”

Will Madonna have a new look for us? “Oh, sure, but who knows what it will be? The last time around it was the cone breasts and ‘I Dream of Jeannie’ ponytail. This time, maybe she’ll have an eye in the middle of her forehead. You know her.”