COLLEGE FOOTBALL / GENE WOJCIECHOWSKI : So, Tigers, How’s Big Seven Sound?

For months now, Missouri Athletic Director Dan Devine and Chancellor Charles Kiesler have all but rattled a tin cup in front of Big Ten Commissioner Jim Delany. The Big Ten has 11 members; Missouri wants to be the 12th.

Subtle, Missouri isn’t. Devine, Kiesler and some of the school’s more influential boosters have said that Missouri’s reputation for academics would make the school a perfect fit, to say nothing of the geographical advantages. To hear Missouri’s pitch, you’d think Socrates was on the school’s alumni list and that the Tigers would soon be fielding teams in the NFL and NBA.

Of course, there are two itsy-bitsy problems with sucking up like this:

--The Big Ten/Eleven isn’t in a hurry to expand. That could change, of course, but at the moment, Delany has made it fairly clear that the conference wants to see how things go with Penn State before considering another member. And anyway, there’s no guarantee Missouri would be the first choice if the league went to 12 teams.

--Devine and Kiesler aren’t exactly making friends with their Big Eight brethren.

A sampling of reactions:

“It hurts my feelings, if you want to know the truth,” said Iowa State Coach Jim Walden. “I don’t like reading that a member of my family likes another family better than mine. This family has fed him and provided him a tremendous amount of positive things in his life. And all of a sudden you say you like another family better than you like us.”

But he was only warming up.

“When I hear a man at Missouri say that academically they have more in common with (Big Ten) schools, I feel that’s a little slap in the face of my administration’s academic policy,” Walden added.

So peeved is Walden, that he said the Big Eight ought to think about getting tough with the Tigers.

“Don’t come to my house and eat and then go out and tell me what a terrible cook I am,” he said. “Maybe we should present some options: ‘You got 30 days, either shut up or get out.’ ”

And this from Nebraska Coach Tom Osborne: “I guess I feel bad that a team in our conference would make a public display to try to leave the conference. I guess that would mean they don’t want to be here.”

Caught in the middle of all this is Tiger Coach Bob Stull, who answered all questions on the subject as if he were running for office.

“I, personally, the way I look at it, we’re a member of the Big Eight Conference,” he said perceptively.

And . . . “If something would happen to dissolve the (Big Eight), then I think the Big Ten would be a good direction to go.”

Missouri, a charter member of the 86-year-old conference, would be missed, but it wouldn’t necessarily doom the Big Eight. It might even prompt more change.

Said Oklahoma State Coach Pat Jones: “I’d like to see the Big Southwest. Merge the (Big Eight and Southwest conference). Those are natural rivalries.”

IRISH EYES AREN’T SMILING

It’s getting nasty at South Bend.

Former Notre Dame kicker Craig Hentrich has sent a two-page letter to Sports Illustrated in response to its recent story on heralded freshman kicker Scott Bentley, who eventually chose Florida State over the Irish. Among other things, Bentley said his recruiting trip to Notre Dame was spoiled in part by a visit to a local bar. Once there, Bentley said, Irish linemen consumed mass quantities of brew and mocked Bentley, an admitted teetotaler, for not joining in.

Not so fast, said Hentrich, who was one of Bentley’s escorts that night. According to Hentrich, Bentley had his share of beers, too.

OK, so Bentley apparently is no saint. Which, of course, was Bentley’s point about the Irish and Coach Lou Holtz.

Consider it a wash.

THE OMEN

David Housel, Auburn’s longtime sports information director, was driving to work last Thursday morning at about 6 when he couldn’t help but notice a rainbow over the Tigers’ practice field and football office.

“You know what rainbows symbolize in the Bible: the end of a storm, the promise of hope,” Housel said. “I kind of wondered if it might be a sign.”

Later that morning Housel mentioned the rainbow to new Auburn Coach Terry Bowden.

“I believe in things like that,” Bowden said.

Housel and Bowden may be reading a little too much into this rainbow thing, but Auburn did manage to beat Mississippi that night at Jordan-Hare Stadium. Not only did it mark Bowden’s debut, but also the beginning of NCAA probation, something Auburn is going to have to deal with this season and next. The Tigers won’t appear on television this year, nor can they play in a bowl until 1995.

Considering what happened to Washington recently, Auburn followers have decided to count their NCAA blessings. In fact, since Auburn beat Mississippi and Memphis State defeated Mississippi State last Saturday, Tiger fans are talking openly of a 6-0 start.

It could happen. Auburn plays Division I-AA Samford, Bowden’s former school, then has Louisiana State, Southern Mississippi, Vanderbilt and Mississippi State.

Bowden’s opener wasn’t without pressure. In attendance that night were Florida State Coach Bobby Bowden, Terry’s father; former Georgia coach Vince Dooley, who played for Auburn in the early 1950s, and Pat Dye, who resigned as Auburn’s coach last year in the wake of the NCAA investigation.

In all, 583 victories among Dye, now a special assistant to the president, Bowden Sr. and Dooley.

Of course, it didn’t hurt Auburn’s chances when Ole Miss ruled star senior linebacker Cassius Ware ineligible. Mississippi athletic department administrators are looking into charges of an improper car loan to Ware.

For what it’s worth--and we’re coming dangerously close to rainbow-like analogies here--Bowden is the second lawyer to become Auburn’s coach. Chet Wynne lost his first game, but three years later won the Southeastern Conference championship. Bowden’s team will be eligible for an SEC title in three seasons.

THE REST

Best T-shirt at last Saturday’s Stanford-Washington game in Seattle: “Pac-9--If You Can’t Beat ‘Em, Disqualify ‘Em.” And on the back of the shirt, “Roses? We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Roses.” . . . Stanford Coach Bill Walsh, who can’t seem to let well enough alone, resumed his lecture series after Washington had buried the Cardinal. Said Walsh: “To be honest with you, I’m hopeful that all of the things that have happened will generate an atmosphere here and elsewhere where young guys will take their academic work more seriously and will work to graduate, because they’ve been more sensitive to it in recent days.”

Do you get the feeling that maybe this isn’t going to be Kansas’ year? Against No. 1 Florida State in the season opener, the Jayhawks got crushed, 42-0, but didn’t suffer an injury of note. Last Saturday against Division I-AA Western Carolina, the Jayhawks won, 46-3, but lost three players. Gone probably for the year are starting tailback George White because of a torn knee ligament, starting free safety Kwamie Lassiter because of a broken collarbone and backup cornerback Charles Davis because of a sprained knee. . . . Rookie coaches Ron Cooper of Eastern Michigan and Jim Caldwell of Wake Forest lost their first games. West Virginia ruined Cooper’s debut, 48-6, and Vanderbilt spoiled Caldwell’s day, 27-12. Cooper, 32, not only is the youngest Division I-A coach, but one of only three black head coaches on that level. The others: Caldwell and Temple’s Ron Dickerson, whose Owl team plays Eastern Michigan tonight at Ypsilanti.

Miami Coach Dennis Erickson was serious about improving the previously dismal Hurricane running game. Against then-No. 20 Boston College last Saturday, Miami rushed for 185 yards, the highest Hurricane total in nearly two years. Miami won, 23-6. . . . Honest quote of the weekend comes from Boston College quarterback Glenn Foley, who told reporters, “I just choked.” . . . So much for timetables. New Houston Coach Kim Helton had previously said he was sticking with the run-and-shoot offense, no matter what. But the day after Houston’s 49-7 defeat by USC, Helton sounded like a man who had seen enough. “We’re still going to be a passing team, but if we don’t get better execution from players, we’re going to have to become a two-back team earlier than I thought,” he said.

Who knows what Arkansas Athletic Director Frank Broyles would have done had little-regarded Southern Methodist upset the Razorbacks on Saturday. The last time Arkansas lost a season opener--to The Citadel last year--Broyles pressed the ejector button on Jack Crowe’s seat. Now it is Danny Ford’s turn to sweat it out. Arkansas needed a one-yard touchdown run by Oscar Malone with 39 seconds remaining to beat the Mustangs.

Fresno State squeezed into the Associated Press top 25 last week and then promptly lost to Baylor, 42-39. Still, Baylor Coach Chuck Reedy, who made his debut last Saturday at Waco, knows greatness when he sees it. Reedy on Fresno quarterback Trent Dilfer: “I’ll say this, he’s as fine a quarterback as I’ve ever been on the field with or against.” . . . Missouri’s Stull bragged before the season that his defense would be “the most athletic” he’s ever had. Some athletes. Nose tackle Steve Martin, all 6 feet 5 and 300 pounds of him, recently fell off a moped. Martin is expected to be OK for Saturday’s season opener against Illinois.

The Top 10

As selected by staff writer Gene Wojciechowski

No. Team Record 1. Florida State 2-0 2. Alabama 1-0 3. Miami 1-0 4. Ohio State 1-0 5. Nebraska 1-0 6. Texas A&M; 1-0 7. Tennessee 1-0 8. Michigan 1-0 9. Syracuse 1-0 (tie) Colorado 1-0

Waiting list: Washington (1-0), Arizona (1-0), Notre Dame (1-0), Florida (1-0), North Carolina (2-0), Penn State (1-0).