BIRD WATCH : Ostrich News

Forget about exotic pigs; the new rage is the ostrich. That was evident in the Antelope Valley recently, where a Superior Court commissioner ordered a developer to delay his work by 30 minutes each morning to avoid ruffling the feathers of an ostrich farmer’s flock. The farmer wants his birds fat and happy, until he can sell them for their meat and other products.

We’re talking big business here, or the hope of it anyway. The birds can sell for $65,000 a pair, their hide is revered and their meat is prized as a potential food of the future--sort of a low-fat, low-cholesterol filet mignon. Already, the Cuyama Buckhorn Restaurant in New Cuyama, Calif., is selling ostrich burgers with fries and a salad for $9.95. And Ostrich News, once a newsletter with 100 subscribers, now circulates in 36 nations.

But we suggest caution for would-be entrepreneurs. First, bandits are following the big bucks, as evidenced by two thefts of ostrich chicks in the San Fernando Valley within two months. The authorities are confident, however: “Someone somewhere knows something about this,” an officer said. “Anyone who sees these things next-door to them is probably saying, ‘What in the name of God is that?’ ”

Also, ostriches are unpredictable . . . and not too bright, as noted in the Bible: “God hath deprived (it) of wisdom, neither hath he imparted to (it) understanding.” That’s something to think about if the bird market plummets. You just might get stuck with a stupid, eight-foot-tall, 350-pound bird with a kick that would make a World Cup soccer striker proud.